osaki ni shitureishimasu

Oh yeah I've moved

2007-06-21T08:15:00.000+09:00

I guess you haven't heard...

samjna.theffcho.com

To Shuhei and Miki

2006-09-12T00:52:00.000+09:00

I saw your messages in my email!
Thank you for the messages!
ｍ（．＿．）ｍアリガト
But I don't know where it is in my blog.
So I write to you here.

Before I saw your message, I was going to stop the blog.
But now, because I know you are reading, I think I will continue!
Keep writing to me!
(but please write to the most recent blog post so I can find it)

A month later

2006-08-14T09:21:00.000+09:00

I've lost all motivation to post anything on this blog anymore.

After the last day of school on 7/20, life had been a whirlwind of drinking and farewells and cardboard box runs. Everything revolved around packing up and saying goodbyes for 2 weeks straight, and there was simply no time nor mental room to pause and reflect. When friends ask me, "So what do you think about the last 2 years in Japan?" it inevitably triggers my reflex answer, "I think I will find out only after I've actually left Japan."

So I actually left Japan on 8/3 to Taipei. Officially, I guess. The emigration officer voided my work visa and took my gaijin card and wished me good luck. I felt little sentimentality, last 2 years did not flash before my eyes like memories flash before a dying man. Oh well at least now I could finally buy the JR rail pass only available to tourist visa holders when I come back.

And I'm at home in Taipei now, living the life in the slimy slug trail, with the drippy heat and the 127 channels of cable TV. The ironic thing is, now that I'm finally out of Japan, I'm hooked on watching Japanese soap opera(s).

Maybe after this post, more will follow.

Dreamt and hastily typed up.

2006-07-20T03:35:00.000+09:00

3:31am. Tomorrow last day school. Tonight just had the most terrifying dream of my life.

woke up
self-suggested airline.
conference chairs.
other people waking up.
blaming something.
illusion broken.
no longer works.
people started trying agin.
put up fake vud.
etc.
light darken.
people started chatter happily.
experiencing fake flight again.
even equilibrium is moving.
someone offer me toy.
happily accept.
me too.
intermittent rusty image of hoarse girl with cigarette voice saying things---you can't do it. you can't get out, and you can't get back in the dream.
tv newscast' some people try to fake airlines.
flight to tokyo: stewrdess the hoarse girl blonde now, on here knees and pov unzip paints.
simona notices the toy is shitty.
so does ian.
i finally do to.
broken.
i jump out of the plane.
stewrdess, now redhead, laughing meniacally.
on the island.
i'm the wise old man on lost.
there's no escape.
i tell the story of power of self-suggestion an
akio does not believe.
i did an experiment on him.
he has to transfer school.
he spills his wallent. i pick up coins. i put in american coins.
he ca no longer play soccer.
more american change.
he has to move to america.
more dollar change.
finally he comes to me: i have to go to america!
show him the changes and the changes i kept.
did not believe.
show him a sheet of paper.
he believed. and believed. and sheepishly ala teshima i kept a dna test from you too.
i ripped the dna test.
it said i had a baby.
i ran around on the island- where's my baby.
some other people trying to fake flight.
the broadcast static in the cave fixed.
it now said in japanese--believe me because i fixed the broadcast static! and repeat.
i'm going crazy.
lecture: power of suggestion.
example: honda-sensei looking for baby.
couldn't find. went to the edge of the island.
lazy people napping. saying milkman comes only once a week. on saturday his house is destroyed.
i/honda caught a glimpse of teal uniform man beyond the fence.
the fence is so low, i can almost jump it.
i jump it, i can't
i jump it again. no way i can't jump over it.
but too weak.
i jump it again.
i reach in my pocket for dna test.
just a milk order.
going crazy.
look to left
gate is open! i can just run out around the fence and don't have to jump!
overjoyed.
ran towards opening.
realized - what if there's another gate?
what if this is just a dream.
what if this is just self suggested?
what if this isn't what's happening?
wake up
simona there shaking me.
what if this is just a dream
what if this is just self- suggested
what if this isn't what's happening
screaming like i've never screamed in my life.

Death of a (car) salesman

2006-07-07T16:13:00.000+09:00

Dear Exchange,

My stubborn Suzuki Wagon-R is still here. A month ago, I was selling it; a couple of weeks ago, I was trying to get rid of it; now, with just 28 days til my departure from Japan and the desperation peaking, would someone please just take the freaking car off of my hands?

Yes, all you savvy shoppers, your patience has outlasted mine. The bell curve has reached its nadir and now it's your last chance to buy low.

So make me an offer. Any offer (for your reference: I was fully ready to take the last offer of 4.5 man until the buyer backed out in favor of rental). If the sale isn't closed by 23:59 7/24, it is going to my local Gullivers, where some bastards will take it from me for pennies and sell it to you for half a month's pay and you will never find a car this cheap in Tottori again.

But be forewarned: I may be desperate and a sucker but I still have my pride. If you try to lowball me after I basically just opened my door to lowball offers, I might just give the car away out of spite and malice. This is something I am entirely capable of, as I will go any distance and pay any price for the chance to say F&#K YOU MOTHAF!#$A!, just go ask the VP and the valedictorian of my HS, and that chubby Japanese kid who gave me a bloody nose at Taj utlimate. In fact, go ahead and lowball me, that would make the trip to the used car hyena that much more enjoyable.

Yes...excellent.

--------
Suzuki WagonR, automatic, silver, 94 (Heisei 10).
* Shakken until 2007/5/26
* Bought last October for way too much.
* Snow-tires.
* CD player.
* ~164,000km, previously owned by auto-shop owner.
* Available until 7/25.
* Yahoo Japan auto search of other similiar WagonR:
http://autos.yahoo.co.jp/ucar/search/search.html?type=search&opt=1&p=%A5%EF%A5%B4%A5%F3R&price_min=&price_max=&pref=&year_min=&year_max=&mission=AT&btype=4&so=-1&sf=7
* Here's a pic of the actual Rabu Wagon:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/59135919@N00/166851176/

"Hidden" costs
* The paperwork for transfer of ownership will cost an additional 10,000.
* Recently inspected and maintained, in good condition and no additional work required (front break-pads, AC belt, and windshield wipers recently replaced). In other words: nothing hidden here.
* Except for the freon. I guess you would need to replace the freon for the AC to actually cool--I'm okay with it though, I like to sweat.
* All the repairs+paperwork can be done by Matsui Auto in Daisen-cho.
* I commute 33 km to and from work daily. I pay about 1 man weekly for gas and that gives me ~430km. You figure out the mileage.
* Unlike rental cars, you will be responsible for auto insurance. For my case, I pay about 6100 monthly (but you would have to sign up for a year at a time).
* You may have to pay for parking at your apartment. I pay 3000/month.
* There is plenty of storage space and backseat room for unspecified activities.
* Your kocho-sensei might not like you driving this car. I dunno why, I do not engage in any unspecified activities at school but my kocho-sensei has taken extensive steps preventing my successor from owning this car. No really. Go ask Liz.
---

Yours truly,
cho

Ichinensei ni

2006-06-30T09:14:00.000+09:00

Circle the Initial letter:
1. (t, sh, th) those
2. (wh, w, u) where
3. (ph, h, f) phone/fire
4. (sw, sm, sn) smile
5. (cl, cr, lp) clap

Circle the Middle letter:
1. (e, a, o) Ted
2. (i, u, ng) pin
3. (u, a, o) truck
4. (e, i, ee) week
5. (o, oa, a) boat

Circle the Last letter:
1. (ch, sh, ti) bench
2. (ck, k, g) flag
3. (th, s, sh) math
4. (c, k, e) bike
5. (n, ng, m) seldom

Listen to the Sound, plese write the word:
1. h – o – t hot
2. m – a – p map
3. th – i – s this
4. br – u – sh brush
5. wh – a – l – e whale

Sannensei ni

2006-06-29T12:26:00.000+09:00

1. panda (cow, zebra)
It is a kind of animal, and it is black and white.
They are very few, and scientists don’t know how to save them.

2. cherry (baseball, eel)
Japanese people have loved this for a long time.
It is watched by many people in the spring.
But it is not watched by many people in America.

3. coral reef (angel fish, kangaroo)
This can be found in Australia.
If you know how to swim, you can see many beautiful fish there.

4. cat (puppy, gorilla)
It is very cute.
It is fun for me to play with an X.
An X is kept by Honda-sensei.

5. dentist (doctor, patient)
You can find X at a hospital.
Anyone can become an X.
You don’t have to go to school, and it is not difficult to become an X.
But it is not fun for me to become an X.

Students of Nakayama Junior high...

2006-06-28T15:24:00.000+09:00

...especially (特別に) 2nd year students: read this!

Maybe these words are familiar (よく知られた) to you:

-----
I lived in Taiwan when I was young. I went to an elementary school in Taiwan, and when I was 12 years old, I went to a junior high school in Taiwan too. But when I became 13 years old, I became a junior high school student in the U.S.

When I went to the U.S., I knew some English. At first, my classes were difficult, but I usually studied hard at home. When American students studied for one hour, I was studying for two hours. So, homework and tests were not too bad for me.

But school was still very difficult for me. There were many students at my school. But when I was in school, I didn’t have many friends. I spoke Chinese, but there were not many Chinese students. I spoke some English, but English was still very strange to me. I was afraid of English and I didn’t speak it. So, I didn’t meet many friends.

After one year in the U.S., I met some good friends. We played basketball and video games together. But sometimes, I hope I can go back to junior high and try hard at English.
------

(just a test, to see if you're paying attention; different version for the 3rd year students will follow tomorrow, maybe)

Deep thoughts

2006-06-15T16:20:00.000+09:00

(3/3/2006 entry with pics)

The student government at my junior high school had been putting little postcards with inspirational aphorisms all over the school. Most are broken record variations of "Believe in thyself," "Reach for the stars," or something equally hackneyed. Though here's a thought-provoking one:

jibun ga tatteiru basho o fukaku hore
soko kara kitto izumi ga dettekuru.

Which roughly translates as:

"If you dig deep at the spot you stand on,
from there a spring will surely emerge."

Indeed.

I owe Uncle Samu

2006-06-15T09:35:00.000+09:00

Approximately ￥240,000.

Because of US income treaty with Japan, incomes earned by U.S. residents while in Japan is exempt from Japanese income tax. This was one of the most attractive things about working as a JET in Japan: not only are we exempt from Japanese income tax because we are Americans, we are also exempt from US income tax because we make less than $80,000.

The catch: you would have to file Form 8802 and obtain the U.S. Residency Certification (Form 6166) for the tax year before Japan. Well, not much of a catch for those with a straight and spotless tax record.

Which, I was informed last night, after months of faxes and international calls with 3 different branches of the IRS, I do not have. Apparently my 2003 1040EZ (the year of HHR and Saddleback) was rejected--somehow that did not explain the refund I received.

Without the 2003 tax return on record, I cannot get Form 6166. Without Form 6166, I cannot prove tax liability in 2003, and cannot prove US residency in 2003. If I don't give my Board of Education my Form 6166, I owe Japanese income tax for the last 2 years--about $200 per month, for 24 months.

I'm so confused. Where do I go from here?

1) Since the 2003 1040EZ was prepared by H&R Block, I will call them tonight (yet another all-nighter) and try to find out what went wrong from their end. The IRS phone lady (the 4th one I spoke with), while helpful, could not decipher the tax code that explains the reason for rejection. I have a copy of my 2003 1040 from Joseph Somebody of H&R Block, but that didn't seem to mean that much to the IRS.

2) The IRS will be sending me my 2003 W2 forms and a letter saying that my 2003 tax return was filed but rejected. Hopefully the Residency Certification Unit of the IRS will take those into account. I mean I had to be tax-liable if my taxes were still withheld right?

3) Meanwhile, along with the W2 forms, IRS will also be sending me other documents so that I can refile 2003 tax return. Question is, will it matter if I'm refiling it while I'm in Japan? Will my tax address for the refile still be in US to qualify for U.S. residency?

4) Keep slugging at it despite the glacial pace with which IRS moves. Problem is, these (fix 2003 return AND receive form 6166) will probably not be taken care of by the time I leave Japan (eventually in early September). The case for my Form 6166 application will close in 4 weeks, and I doubt I can get the 2003 return on file (either refiling or somehow fixing) by then. Even if I did eventually, re-applying for form 6166, after the original (well actualy the 4th starting last year) case closes, will take another 3 months, minimum.

5) I could just leave Japan, without paying the income tax, and become a person non grata or something. Maybe I won't be able to come back once I do (not to trivialize but this does affect my immmediate travel plans: back to Taiwan late July, back to Japan late August, watch FIFA championship in Tokyo with Mark, then back to US in September). But somehow this kind of torched earth campaign sounds appealing to me.

6) Talk to my BOE. I think it's time for a me-JTE-BOE tax person conference. Inform them of my situation, and get everybody on the same page since I'm still dependent on the BOE for my pension refund (about $1,000) and my plane ride back home.

7) Hopefully, we'll find an arrangement to allow me to keep working out the IRS kinks while I'm back in the US, and without paying Japanese income tax. Don't know if this involves paying the income tax now and getting it refunded once I get my form 6166.

Protecting Human Gaijin Rights?

2006-06-12T15:52:00.000+09:00

(via Boing Boing)

I'm the Grand Cyclopse of Tottori-Klan

2006-06-09T15:00:00.000+09:00

Is teaching English in a Japanese jr/high school akin to being in a cult?*

As a soon-to-be ex JET teacher in a Japanese Jr. high, this is a question I have pondered long and hard, but only taken the steps to answer today. A quick googling took me to Steve Alan Hassen's BITE model (BITE stands for Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional), which outlines the common methods for mind-control a cult exerts on its members. See for yourself:

* Behavior Control: financial dependence(check), need to ask permission for major decisions(nenkyu battles), individualism discouraged and groupthink prevails, rigid rules and regulations, etc.

* Information Control: access to non-cult sources of information minimized or discouraged(I'm not know how to explain this to you in English), compartimentalization of information, outsider vs insider doctrines, etc.

* Thought Control: adopt "loaded" language (tsss....muzukashii...), thought-stopping techniques (murida!), only good and proper thoughts are encouraged, etc.

* Emotional Control: excessive use of guilt, extremes of emotional highs and lows, phobia indoctrinations.

omoshiroi...

*this post is based on the assumption that 1) majority of English-speaking gaijin in Japan are/were employed as English instructors in some capacity, 2) JP readers care about the plights of these poor souls...

To the brink of tears

2006-05-31T15:07:00.000+09:00

I learned some interesting Japanese in the past week or so:

腰 (こし）lower back
痛み (いたみ）pain
傷み (いたみ）damage, injury (same pronunciation as above)
鎮痛剤 (ちんつうざい)　painkiller
アスピリン aspirin
背骨 (せぼね）vertebrae
曲げる (まげる）to bend

and a phrase from CLAIR Japanese course week 22 day 2, which I used for the first time today and got a reaction out of Kaneda-san that was very satisfying to me:

涙が出るほど to the brink of tears.

Yes. I have learned much. And practical stuff too.

Last week, all the students had gone through a sports test. They went through stations and were tested/timed on 50ms, 2kg medicine ball throw, shuttle run, sit-ups, etc. It was like a NFL combine for junior high kids. Anyway, I was manning the flexibility station testing how far they can reach beyond their toes. I demonstrated the stretch for my last group...

I felt a distinct pop/buck/crack/snap in my right lower back. I could almost hear it and I certainly felt it. It wasn't bad immediately afterwards, and I left school early that day (Wed) and made an emergency chiropractor appointment "just in case," since my back was really feeling so much better up to that point I was actually considering returning to basketball practice that night.

The chiropractor said that there was a new inflammation in my left hip joint in addition to the 3rd vertebrae (starting from bottom) inflammation which was causing the initial back stiffness. He said that this wasn't necessarily a step back on my road to recovery...it's just that, well, I'm simultaneously travelling on two roads now.

It has gotten worse. Yesterday I dropped to the floor in pain while I was cooking. During my commute this morning, I felt sharp pinches whenever I stepped on the breaks. I went to the bathroom this morning and barely got out. Breathing deeply and bending gingerly, while wiping my ass, felt like an ashtanga yoga pose.

And now my parents are in town. They should be sitting pretty in my apartment right this moment. I'm genuinely undecided whether I should suck it up so that they won't worry about me, or should I comfort myself in their sympathy...

Reflections

2006-05-27T11:42:00.000+09:00

What a way to spend Saturday morning! Watching the Mia/Det game 1 while blabbering about the NBA playoffs:

* I'm watching Shaq for the 1st time in these playoffs. Shaq is looking great! Jump hooks, drop steps, up and unders, he even dusted off the surprise baseline spin from the good'ol days. I've always said this to casual NBA fans: yes Shaq's ha-uu-geness makes him a good NBA player, but Shaq's quick feet and soft hands are what makes him great (and separates him from the rest of the 300 club: Oliver Miller, Stanley Roberts, Tractor Trayler, post-rehab Shawn Kemp).

* I am still in mourning for the Clippers. But first I would have to peel the pieces of their carcasses off the Suns' train tracks. They were flat out destroyed in game 7.

I don't understand why Doug Collins insisted on sucking Dunleavy's jock all throughout the series. Dunleavy's coaching mistakes, once again, lost game 7 for the Clippers. He went away from trapping Nash on the screen and rolls in the 3rd quarter and gave Nash the breathing room to pick apart Clipper's defenses. He also left Kamen on Marion, which only worked in previous games because Marion wasn't hitting wide open shots--Marion was hot in game 7, and the Clippers look like a lumbering team with Kamen. Let's not forget this man's last second substitution of Daniel Ewing in game 5 gave Bell the tying 3-pointer. Dunleavy may be the best coach in practices and in negotiating with the front office, but I wouldn't put him on the floor duing crunch time.

I just hope that in the off season they find a way to keep Cassell for a season or 2, and then make him the coach after that--the same formula seemed to have worked out for the Mavericks.

* Speaking of Mavericks, I like this team. The Mavs have always had talent, but after their game 7 win over the Spurs, this team now has big heart too. They beat the Spurs after blowing a 20 point lead in the 3rd and after down 3 in the final possessions in the 4th. I like Dirk much better when he takes it to the rack and sneers in disdain after and-1's. Make the Aryan race proud, Dirk.

(written before watching Mavs-Suns game 1)

Step out of the car, sir...I mean sensei

2006-05-24T12:37:00.000+09:00

On my way to school this morning, I was pulled over for running a red light. I took an illegal left-hand turn (the short-side turn—Japan drivers on the opposite side) on red, and was stopped at the next red signal.

I had already been pulled over twice in Japan. Once near the local mall for failing to stop at a stop sign, and another time in Okayama for driving on a one-way street (it had two lanes and a sign saying that it was one-way during certain hours of the day). Both times, I was asked to sit in the backseat of the police car, and both times I was let go. Surely these were but minor infractions compared to DUI or speeding 50km/h over. But I thought the time in Okayama was especially incriminating, as I had just woke up from a night of running around naked and drunk, and I was probably stinking of alcohol and definitely still inebriated when I sat in the backseat of the patrol car. Still, they let me go.

So, this time, when I saw that a patrol car had pulled up behind me with flashing red lights, and a policeman was walking around my car to the driver's side, I was not expecting to be let off easy the third time around. What can I say? Japan has trained me to drink from a half-empty cup.

"赤信号を無視？" Did you just ignore that red light?
"あの、すみません、急いでから..." Well, I’m sorry but I was in a hurry...

This cop was wearing glasses, his face was somewhat disfigured with a scar (knife?) running from his right nostril to his upper lip. I was hoping to plead guilty and get a quick fine to settle the matters so that I could get to work on time (to save myself from further embarrassment). Then the light turned green, and the cop with the scar told me to pull over to the side of the road after the signal. So, the patrol car pulled up next to mine, the scarred cop asked me to step out of my car and opened the door to the back seat of the patrol car. Here we go again...

The driver was a younger cop. Unlike the scarred cop, who was wearing the usual dark police uniform, the younger cop was wearing just a white dress shirt and an armband. Maybe he's just a rookie then, I thought.

The rookie cop pointed at the navi screen and showed me where I ran the red light. He lectured for a good while, of which I understood maybe 20%. The scarred cop was inspecting my driver's license and foreigner's ID, and told the rookie cop that I I was not Japanese. The rookie then lectured me in simpler Japanese, which was even longer, but I still couldn't fully understand what he was saying beyond "The patrol car was here, we saw you turning left here, the light was green from our perspective so we know the light was red when you turned...and that's illegal..." I also couldn't understand exactly what he expected me to say—-I mean, I knew the light was red, I saw it, I ran it, and that was it. I had already apologized a shit-ton, I couldn't think of any convincing excuses (especially after I had already admitted that I was in a hurry), nor should I or could I say “Just gimme the bloody ticket already." So I started mumbling something about having come to the same intersection the night before and seen a flashing red. The rookie cop was getting more and more frustrated, but we were still getting nowhere. The scarred cop showed my driver's license and my foreigner's ID card to the rookie and tried to say something, but the rookie was so distracted in making his point understood he just tossed the card on the dash. Finally the rookie asked me,

"どこへ行きますか？" Where are you going?
"中山...じゃなくて、大山町. 中山中学校へ." Nakayama...no, Daisen-cho. To Nakayama Jr. High. (because Nakayama town had merged with Daisen town and technically no longer exists)

"へ！　先生？" What? Sensei?

I may have misheard many things this morning, but the one thing that I am beyond certain was that he preceeded the "teacher" with an exclamation. The scarred cop then confirmed:

"そう、英語の教師なんだ." Yeah, an English instructor. Aand then he showed the rookie my driver's license and foreigner's ID card that has my employment info. And then the rookie turned away from looking at my IDs to ask me:
"お仕事は英語の教師...先生ですか?" Your *profession is English instructor...sensei, is it?

Again, I may have misheard many things this morning, but the second thing that I am beyond certain was that the noun "profession" was spoken in the Japanese honorific/polite form--which you would use to address superiors. I shouldn't make too much of this as it was probably just standard politeness.

I confirmed his question. There was a moment of silence, which I broke:

"すみませんが、いま...どうしましょうか？" Sorry but, now...what should I do?
"そうですね...どうしよう？" Right...what should we do?

The rookie cop talked half to himself, and half to the scarred cop. And the scarred cop gave the word.
"任せ？" Let him go?

And minutes later the scarred cop opened the door and I got out. I called the school to let them know that I would be 10-15 minutes late, but the traffic turned out to be so light I actually made it to school just on time, with 0 tickets.

Maybe I should consider staying in Japan and take full advantage of my diplomatic immunity?

Wanna get away?

2006-05-18T17:12:00.000+09:00

[ding] I am still at work and not free to move about the country (yes, even in the backwaters of the Far East, I can still reference Southwest).

This afternoon, the entire school will be watching a troupe of actress/ors putting on a play. Since it is guaranteed to be educational and boring even if I understood the whole thing in Japanese, I thought I would print out a few pages of the e-book I'm currently reading, so I set the first 75 pages of the PDF to print before lunch.

When I came back from lunch, the printer wasn't humming, and my kocho-sensei was fingering through the still-warm stack. He was probably wondering why a stack of 53 sheets resembling pages from an English book (he was an English teacher afterall) came out of the printer instead of his document. Worse, his document wasn't coming out because my 54th page had caused a paperjam.

Oops.

(update: a few minutes later) I opened up the printer and pulled out the jammed paper. Printer still not working. To cover up my ass, I cued up a couple pages of a listening test and a lesson plan I had written last year. Now I can pretend that a fraction of the print job--2/77--was meant for work.

(update: a few minutes later) The secretary opened up the printer and pulled out another sheet of jammed paper. Printer still not working. She assured me: "ドンマイ (DON-MAI, which I suspect is Japanese for "Don't mind")."

(update: a few minutes later) The secretary announced to the entire staff room: "The printer is now off-limits. But don't worry: the technician from Epson customer support is coming."

(update: 2 hours later, after the play has finished) As expected, the play was boring: man catches bird, man frees bird, bird grateful to man, bird turns into woman to be with man, man and bird-woman marry, happiness, bird-woman makes silk from her feathers to support man, man not work, more happiness, man gets greedy and wants to sell more silk for more money, more silk = dead bird-woman, bird-woman leaves man, man sad, lesson learned. Clap clap. I went back to the staff room.

And found printer parts all over the floor. The technician was still working on the printer I wrecked.

(afterthoughts) 17:02, the technician just left and the printer is no longer in pieces, so I assumed that it is now fixed. I very briefly chatted with him about the printer. Apparently the jam was caused by the printer overheating on a super humid day, and the ink got sticky. So it's not entirely my fault! It's the weather's fault! It's Japan's fault!

(in case if you're wondering, the book is Freakonomics, which had an excellent first 5 pages)

Woe is my back

2006-05-17T13:34:00.000+09:00

A frame-by-frame capture of Jeff getting out of his chair and walking to the coffee maker.

My back hurts.

This happened last Wednesday during basketball. There wasn't a specific moment or movement that caused it and I'm not sure exactly what happened. One minute I was feeling bouncy--I actually made a fast-break backboard-slapping layup in a game--the next I couldn't bend it 90 degrees forward.

It's still stiff a week after. I couldn't wash my face at the sink without supporting myself, and putting socks on feels as strenuous as dead-lifting. Getting up from my chair, straightening my back and walking somewhere feels like 4 million years of evolution, and dude, I feel just as old.

I suspect that this is a mild case of back spasm. Hopefully this will not affect my availability for Taj ultimate or Clippers' series.

I'm Tim Thomas Pt.2

2006-05-12T12:35:00.000+09:00

I can think of more than a few reasons they might have given me on why I wasn't invited back to the team, if they hadn't already dealt with this the Japanese way (let's just ignore him and sweep this whole Jeff thing under the rug and pretend he never existed):

1) You're not the dead-eye shooter we're looking for.
Can't argue with that. Bacchus already has a couple of dependable shooters from 17-18 ft, what they really could use is a 3-point shooter to spread the floor and wait in the corners for kick-outs. I have been working hard on my 3-point shot, and in shootarounds I can make them at a good 30-40 clip (GO CLIPS!) in rhythm, with feet set and no defenders--but at game speed my shooting is erratic at best.

2) We need a lock-down defender.
In a way, last season's team Bacchus kind of reminds me of the Stanford basketball team: they both have a history of being burned by athletic swingman. A lock-down defender in the mold of Raja Bell or Quinton Ross could really make a difference for this team(if you call flopping, shirt-tugging, undercutting, and constant bitching defense, I guess you can throw Bowen in that sentence too). Well, Pippen I ain't, but in defense of my Defense: a)I rarely get beaten "cleanly" off the dribble even by the fastest guards, b)I almost always successfully force my man to go in one direction, c)no shots are ever taken without my hand somewhere in the vicinity, and d)if my guy isn't a threat to score, I am always in the right spot for help defense or rebounds. It's not a coincidence most defensive possession that involves me have lots of loose balls. I know it isn't pretty, but if Bacchus need defense, there's no excuse to leave me off the team.

3) You cannot play point guard full-time.
Pass.

4) You cannot create shots off the dribble.
I disagree strongly. I struggle to finish my drives at the rim. This is true, as my quickness and strength is not what it had been in the past and my confidence is affected by a sleuth of nagging injuries. I sometimes force the issue and cause turnovers. These are partly my fault, and I have worked hard on my handle and patience.

But when both of your bigs are constantly clogging both high posts, there isn't a whole lot of space to penetrate. And while I can't always finish my drives for scores, I haven't had problems getting into the lane (if only I had a mid-range pull-up jumper...). Although drive-and-kick is probably the strongest aspect of my game, it has no place on this team. Despite having one Jr. high basketball coach and one high school coach, apparently no one on the team knows what a pick-and-roll is. If I get a penny for everytime I slip off a screen, get into the lane, and bounce a pass off of my screening teammate's face, I would be able to buy 2 big macs by now.

5) You are too small, and we already have a ton of guards who we like
Can't argue with that either. At 172cm, my natural position on this team is SG. Bacchus last season had 15 players on their roster, all but maybe 5 of them are under 180cm and have to play in the backcourt. While I am, and I say this in a complete straight face, more athletic and more skilled than most of these middle-aged guards, I just don't think the team is ready to take playing time away from guys whom they've played with for years. Basketball-wise, it makes no sense, but politics rarely does.

6) You are not committed.
That's bullshit. There are 15 players on the roster, but maybe only 7 show up for practices consistently. So, I practice with the same 5 guys and familarize myself with their game for weeks, and then you leave me on the bench during league games in favor of someone whose face I haven't seen in a month? You tell me how that builds chemistry.

7) You're gaijin (foreigner), but you look Japanese.
Like Japanese major league baseball teams, perhaps there's a two-gaijin per team limit? Wouldn't you want to get a "real" gaijin rather than another Asian? And you know what? I must be going crazy when I am blaming things on reverse discrimination.

8) You have bad attitude.
As you can probably tell by now, I feel that I have been given the cold shoulder not for the right basketball reasons, but for personal ones. On the court, I have little patience and short temper, because I feel the need to make my limited playing time count. I too often yell in frustration (but I never direct my frustration at anyone in particular). I've never gotten a technical, but I might have behaved inappropriately to referees because I prefer shaking over bowing my head when a call is blown. However, my emotion goes both ways, negative and positive, and I am proud of the fact that everyone I've ever played with value my competitiveness and intensity. But my ex-teammates know even less about high fives than they do about pick-and-rolls.

9) You are no fun to be around.
Off the court, they probably think I'm sour and surly, which is partly due to me feeling slighted and indignant, and partly because I can't carry on a full conversation in Japanese. So I mostly stay to myself. This soon becomes a downward spiral of despair: the more I get frustrated, the worse my attitude becomes, the less the team plays me, and I get frustrated even more.

Yeah. Hate to admit it, but I'd hate to play on the same team with myself too.

I'm Tim Thomas Pt.1

2006-05-11T16:05:00.000+09:00

I went to basketball practice last night for the 1st time in 3 weeks, only to find out that, what do you know, the new season starts today--and I'm not on the team roster.

Last year, the season started in winter, so I figured that before I leave Japan there won't be any games in which I won't be getting any PT. Well team Bacchus joined a new league that starts in the spring. They never asked me to join before last night(partially my fault because I missed practices, but still), and they didn't invite me to join when I was right there last night. They didn't even bother to talk to me, and to add insult to injury, both Adam and Eddie, two guys whom I invited onto the team, are on the roster. In fact, Komura-san was telling Eddie to bring money before tomorrows game, with me standing right there waiting to catch a ride with Eddie.

Having Adam and Eddie on the team will definitely help them. Eddie will dominate the paint and clean up the board because he is more athletic, bigger and stronger than probably anyone he'll face in the league (since he's my height and got King Kong arms, think of him as an Elton Brand type). Adam is tall and long, willing passer skilled off the dribble and active on both ends of the floor (because he's white, think of him as a Gonobili with defense minus the outside stroke). Put these 2 next to a bunch of guards who can't shoot, a couple of SF/PF tweeners who make jumpers but won't bang inside, plus one Bonsi/Marbury type ballhog, and you have a pretty good team.

So where did Jeff fit in? Nowhere.

So how did Jeff respond? During practice, while I didn't lay the smack down, I had success getting into the lane for floaters or kick-outs, made a few threes, and had a back spasm.

Tottori Talks

2006-05-11T09:39:00.000+09:00

(to be published in Tottori Talks, an annual journal of writings, etc. by departing JETs)

"All things end badly, or else they wouldn't end."
-Doug Coughlin the bartender.

Where does one even begin to sum up the most alienating and most loving, most incomprehensible and most insightful, most boring and under-utilized but somehow the most affirming and well-paid 2 years of one's life? I don’t know, I ran out of superlatives months ago.

And for whom should I write this article? Am I writing this for Ms. Honda, who never hesitated to assume the role of legal guardian for this gaijin? Am I writing this for Mr. Nishiyama, whom I trust to teach an English class like Marty trusts Doc to send him Back to the Future? Am I writing this for Mitsushima-sensei, who has always been the same genuine person, whether it be in the classroom, in the staffroom, or in enkai’s? I probably don’t need to write this for my fellow ALTs, who know well that our positions in school mean more as an institution rather than a resource. I am afraid to write this for future JETs, because they don’t have to know that they’ll be coming to a Japan that desperately wants them, but doesn’t seem to need them. I won’t be writing this for y’all, all my friends who had been (thump chest) right here for the past 2 years, because if I haven’t let you know how much you mean to me then I have failed as your friend. I ought to be writing this for everyone and everything Japanese I’ve come across: I regret not having tried harder to discover every last drop of your goodness, but I will forgive most of your idiosyncrasies—except for that sucking-air-through-teeth sound.

Perhaps I should write this for all my students, the main cause of all this bittersweet ranting. Never in my 26 years has any group of people make my life feel so simultaneously empty and (occasionally) fulfilling to the point of bursting. Amidst all the deafening silence, your rare unprompted eigo-rashii utterances, spoken tentatively but earnestly, can make a man…I don’t know what to say. You made it plain and clear that Jeff-sensei is crazy to think that he could inspire you to love English; but when you came back after graduation and used your every last bit of eigo to ask me to teach you how to make a crossover dribble because you were joining your high school basketball team…just when I thought I was out, you pull me back in.

That’s why I gotta get out of Japan, this time for good. That’s why you’ll find no gratuitous thank-you-speeches here. I think, in the end, I gotta write this for me. It’s the only way I can make sense of these 730 days and 460 words. I…
(word limit reached)

The blackout Lakes

2006-05-09T08:35:00.000+09:00

(2 days after the Lakers lost game 7, 1 day after I watched them losing it)

120-91. That wasn't basketball, it was a massacre.

- To be honest, there is nothing you can do if a team is going to shoot 60% and 50% on 3 pointers. The Lakers never could match up with Barbosa or Diaw. And when Lakers couldn't counter mismatches and slow the Suns down with presence inside the paint, there's just no hope to contain the Suns' fast break points.

- But maybe Phil should have tried something other than switching on Nash/whoever pick-and-rolls after getting killed by it time after time? Shouldn't they try trapping Nash on the sideline pick-and-rolls, or having Kobe fighting over the screens? Even though it is true that Nash pick-and-rolled his way all season to an MVP, it was very un-Zenmaster-like to make no adjustments after halftime, especially after Nash was visibly slowed by his ankle injury late in the first half.

- And where was Smush? If Smush Parker cannot get in the lane being marked by Steve Nash, who couldn't guard a wheelchair basketball player even when he has two healthy ankles, he should change his name to Smush the Duche. And WHY DIDNT PHIL SEE THIS OBVIOUS MISMATCH, run sets for Parker, and make a hobbled Nash chase him?

- I'm not going to harp on Kwame and his inability to catch passes and make 2-foot jumphooks with Diaw or Thomas on his back. After missing his 3rd jumphook in the 1st quarter, he just slumped, bent his head, and did everything short of quitting and waving a white flag--no surprise Tim Thomas drained a short jumper from the baseline on the ensuing posession. Kwame just doesn't have it. He never had it and maybe he never will.

- I am, however, going to harp on Kobe and his passive play in the 2nd half. Whatever you hear about both Kobe and Phil saying that that was the gameplan, that Kobe needed to get his teammates involved, anyone who has followed Kobe's career knows different. In 2004, after the media criticized his shot selection, Bryant took one-shot in the 1st half in a game against Sacramento, and then stopped talking to reporters for like 2 weeks. Kobe is stubborn and grudge-holding, and unfortunately for us that is part of what makes him great. Unlike the water splashing media, I don't blame game 6 on Kobe. His teammates weren't making shots, Kobe scored an efficient 50 and didn't take wild unmakeable shots (by Kobe standards), and his team still would've won the game if not for a lucky bounce off of a Nash miss that became Tim Thomas' tying 3. But I'm positive, positive that Kobe's refusal to take-over/acquiescence to the (failed) team concept is probably based on something like "Okay, y'all are saying that I lost game 6 by scoring 50 and not getting my inept teammates involved--we'll see how badly we lose this one if I don't score 50." His teammates were literally begging for Kobe's help by missing all their shots, and still Kobe kept passing out of weak traps (do you think Kobe is really afraid of Barbosa/Thomas traps after screen-rolls?) to deer-in-headlight impersonators. If my supremely talented teammate did that to me as I was missing the side of the barn, that gives me the disdainful message of "Here, see if you can fuck up this one up" and not "We win or lose as a team." Kobe's got beef against the world, and we should've all seen this coming considering that he was named after a cut of steak (BTW, it's pronounced KO-BEH and someone should start a campaign to change the pronounciation of his name to just that). If Kobe really wanted to "get his teammates involved", then why wasn't he driving-and-dishing or posting up to draw double teams? I saw him swinging the ball harmlessly outside the 3-point line so many times, it looked to me that Kobe just Quitted. It also didn't help that he didn't shake any of the Suns' hands after the defeat. What a jackass.

- Nash, on the other hand, got plenty of help from his teammates, and gave them plenty of love. There were so many camera shots of some floppy haired dude hugging panting and sweaty men, the program should have been R rated. Nash trusts his teammates, he makes them believe that they can be better, that they can rise to what Nash expects from them. Doug Collins kept reiterating that Nash did not blame the ref or anyone after his two late-game turnovers in game 4, he simply stated that he needs to be better than that. Who wouldn't want to follow and play their hearts out for a guy like that? Comparing Nash to Kobe is like comparing Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan to Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry. I was mistaken: there should have been no debate between Nash or Kobe for the MVP.

- I'm not bitter. The Lakers at their best just didn't have it against the Suns at their best. The Lakers knew it, the Suns knew it, everyone knew it coming into the series. Kobe and the Lakers, with all their shortcomings, not only made us believe the impossible but they actually made us feel shocked when the impossible did not happen--what more can you ask out of your team?

- And in the end, we all knew that it would take 2 LA teams to take down Phoenix anyway. Clippers in 6.

side note re the title: At the beginning of 3rd quarter, when Suns' lead expanded to 20 from 15, Simona started getting the hiccups. She stood up straight against the wall and held a deep breath according to my grandma's home remedy, and I stood up too. A combination of seeing my team down by 20 and standing up too fast made me faint and black out for a second. My memory went from looking at Simona's face to staring at the floor and wondering how many drinks I've had (zero).

Back

2006-05-04T10:07:00.000+09:00

久しぶりです。Just got back from my 4 days 3 nights mini-road trip. I should write a bit about the rafting, canyoning, sightseeing, and Arthur Scargles--after I finish watching the Clippers' and Lakers' games 5's (in that order).

I downloaded the games before checking my emails, rss, and ESPN. As far as I'm concerned it's no different than watching it fresh off the 2 day and 16 time zone tape-delay.

Here we go Clip/Lakers here we go (clap clap).

(updated 13:17) Clippers won! Chest bumps and fist pumps to my imaginary Clipper nation. I drink to another week of Billy Crystal sightings.

(updated 15:34) Lakers lost. I will now get up and away from the computer, and brush my teeth. And I missed Kobe's version of Jordan's fist pump in game 4 too. Damn.

Much ado about nada

2006-04-27T15:19:00.000+09:00

Yesterday was the Matsue ekusukaashon (translation: excursion) field trip for the 2nd year students, where everyone break up into groups, and then spend a day in Matsue city backpacker-style (budget travel, public transportation, funny photos, lost wallets, etc). Supposed to build teamwork or something. While the students were busy doing their thing, I tagged along with the teachers' 食べ歩き tour and ate at different restaurants/patisserie/tea shops all over the city.

The 3rd year students are on their 3-day trip to Tokyo, and the 1st year's are on their 3-day stayover on Daisen. So, it's a whole day of cramming Japanese, online junk reading, and test-proctoring for me.

I'm bored.

(update 16:05pm) still bored.

中和違った漢字

2006-04-27T11:03:00.000+09:00

結構 (けっこう）
Japanese: good, okay, or polite refusal.
Chinese: system, structure

勝手 (かって）
Japanese: (the state of having) freedom, (being able to) do-as-you-please, have-it-one's-way
Chinese: winner

All the same Engrish to me

2006-04-26T07:58:00.000+09:00

This morning, I am having a tasty bacon egg and cheese English muffin sandwich for breakfast plus orange juice straight out of the carton, just to wash down the runny yolk and bacon grease. I have just made the following discovery:

English (country) = イギリス　　　　　　　
= i-gi-ri-su
English (adjective)= イギリスの...
= i-gi-ri-su-no-...
English (person) = イギリス人
= i-gi-ri-su-jin
English (language) = えいご　　　　　　　　
= e-i-go
English (muffin) = インぎリシュマッフィン　
= i-n-gi-ri-shu-ma-fi-n

Weird. If you don't think that this is weird, you have either not been in Japan or been in Japan too long.