$10.00

Plus 10 against Mark and Ed tonight. Played 4 tournaments, won two and lost two. Can't remember the details, don't really want to. I gave action with some questionable calls, but got some back in return, that was it. Ed claimed to have caught one of my tells and he was right, I was doing it: J9o with J top pair on flop and another J on river. I leaned in as if to bet on flop but checked it instead. That was an obvious tell for sure, but I also use it as a subtly obvious sucker bluff (which I used to have Mark lay down his pocket queens with a pair of 6's, on AK6 flop). Either way, must be careful from now on.

I did notice a few things about Ed's play though. He puts a bigger emphasis on winning pots rather than winning chips. Overall I think he definitely wins more often than either me or Mark, but the amount of chips he leaks speaks for itself (tonight: Me 2 Mark 2 Ed 0, I think, or no more than 1). He loves to show his bluffs but hates being bluffed, even when he doesn't have the cards (note to self: definitely show him a bluff next time and see what happens). Raises preflop do nothing to limit the possible hands that he might have (once called my raise, slightly less than 3x big blind, with Q6o and flopped two pairs). I would estimate that he bluffs, or make dubious semi-bluffs(like calling it down or even raising with 3rd button) at least 40% of the time. There's no way to read Ed's hand. Tonight, once I stopped even trying to guess what he had and just played my hand straight, chips just roll downhill.

Also saw Triplets of Belleville afterwards. Watched it a little bit stoned, a definite treat.

911 degree F

Just saw Michael Moore's Farenheit 9/11.

I think the subject of 9/11 and the war in Iraq deserves to be treated with some objectivity. Michael Moore trivializes the issues through his sensationalism and propaganda. I think it is unfortunate that, the Michael Moore brand of "documentary" will not convince but rather alienate the unconverted. It is also unfortunate that from this point on, more serious attempts at making a film on this subject will inevitably be tainted by comparison.

It is ironic that in 911F Michael Moore employs the same spin and buzz tactic used by the very politicians whom he mocks. He lingers on and emphasizes, over loudspeakers, facts that support his point of view, and stuffs the opposing points and arguments into the locked closet. Although this kind of fighting poison with poison is a statement in itself, I don't think it is suitable for someone like Moore, who prefers to perch on moral high ground.

Iraq was definitely not a free and innocent nation prior to the invasion. Though no evidence of WMD was found, evidence for plans of WMD procurement were in abundance. Whether or not Iraq were a direct threat to America, there was no question Saddam is a war criminal and a mass murderer. Bush may end up as war cirminal and mass murderer also, but at least he's a maybe, taking out a sure thing.

As for the accusation of brainwashing the country into war, I have no doubt that there is some, probably a lot of, truth in that. But, anyone who has read the art of war, or anyone who has some semblance of common sense, knows that to wage war successfully you must not have desention among your ranks. Democracy and full disclosure takes a backseat in war unless you want to risk defeat--which, as bad as war is, is even worse. It is right to question the motives for starting war and the manipulations that got us there, but attacking the methods and the efforts is nothing but distasteful and disrespectful.

As questionable as this whole war business is, once started I think it demands our unconditional support. Doing otherwise is just blatant disrepect to the lives of the soldiers in the fields. Do you want to be the one to tell those risking their lives that they've been fooled? Just flat out distasteful.

Take two soldiers, one who has seen 911F and another who hasn't, and immediately put them into the battlefield. Which one do you think is more likely to die?

JET Pre-D impressions

Amy Portello: she appeared mostly hesitant when speaking with me, which ironically made me think very highly of her person. Very delicate Hispanic facial features with a strongly guarded smile. The denfensive type. Wore one of those pointy but square-toed heels that appeared to be on the small side, relative to the toes. Not having romantic/sexual fantasies yet, which is probably good considering our proximity and future involvement.

Brian (sp?): ex-JET from Tottori-shi. Very informative and enthusiastic about the region. Strongly self-deprecating behavior, with "chagrin" being the operative word behind every gesture, including the ever-present smile of slight embarassment. Natural or acquired from his 3 years in Tottori? Perhaps a little bit of both.

Brandon: Jet from AZ going to the prefecture to the immediate west of Tottori--which according to Brian is extremely close to Yonago. Studied Japanese in college, been to Japan previously, green eyes, a pretty-boy/geek otaku hybrid. Good conversationist, was able to respond even when I brought up the subject of Japanese monkeys and Benobos. Acquired email, valuable future contact due to geographic proximity.

Zeph: either he really knows his philosophy faculty all around the country, or is the epitome of name-droppers. Made me feel underprepared/underresearched about grad school, which is a great quality in a potential future collegue. Acquired contact as well, although unnecessarily, purely for gesturing purposes.

Mike: his hair is dyed blue. Which, along with horibbly disaligned teeth, I failed to notice from our previously D&B engagement. Taught English at Prague previously, has TOEFSL or something like that, some ESL teaching credential. A bore mostly during conversation, which is unfortunate because of all the hot girls that he has clung himself to, whom I would like to as well.

Mina: the Nepalian/Japanese girl with nose stud. Stll very hot. Major points scored against me for remembering my name and my tax questions during orientation. Major points given up against her for not remembering her name and the mis-interpreted Lost in Translation comment(she was commenting about the Japanese director scene, I responded thinking that she was referring to the director commentary in DVD). Changed her clothes while we waited outside of the Civic, giving me goosebumps even in the afternoon LA sun. Nevertheless I hope future encounters will result in positive pointage.

Nicole: Mina's friend. Also UCLA grad. Cute despite too much makeup. Derives her charm mostly from the valley girl/air head stereotype. I caught her rolling her eyes when I apologetically asked for her and Mina's name. Was not at all friendly towards me, which doesn't deviate from my previous D&B impression.

Angel: would she ever just shut the fuck up? Guilty of abusing and overusing "y'all." Stopped being a fresh presence about 5 minutes in.

Girl sitting next to me: I also wish that she would shut the fuck up. Probably a cute girl of mixed Asian/white ethnicity. I wouldn't really know because she talked to her neighbor throughout the session and had her back against me almost just as often. Off the corner of my eye I think I saw her checking if I was checking her out behind her back--which I did not specifically to not give her the satisfaction--what a bitch. I stereotyped her immediately as the overly appearance conscious type based on her fashionably see-through top and one of those fasionably billowy skirts, which, though looking good, made her ironically unattractive to my eyes. The stereotype was justified: her first question to the pannel, the first one of the day, was this "So, are there like places to shop in Japan?" (directly quoted without ) What a bitch.

Serra: of Osaka was sitting behind me, though I did not talk to her at all. She wouldn't stop talking though. Previously attributed Lucy Liu eyes. Now add Lucy Liu voice to the list, which unlike the first, is not a complement.

Sophia: a woman ex-JET in 30's. Was on pannel of living conditions and community involvement. Sarcastic to the extreme, which is unfitting considering that she is a yoga instructor. Very touchy-feely, not in a bad way. Immediately engaged me in a passive-aggressive discussion on the ethics of animal use in medical research, upon finding out that I was a biology major. Probably one of those new-age activist freaks that I've been trying to disassociate from.

Who else?

Yumi: the tallish Asian girl with spunky shortish hair. I found her attractive, despite(perhaps because of) her acne scars. Paid for both of the Kirin pitchers at Little Tokyo, but didn't get a chance to talk to her too much. If I had to find a reason to go to the Corona Del Mar BBQ tomorrow, she would be it. Lives in San Pedro.

Michelle: the previously met blond bosomy girl. Chunky, well-tanned body. Wide-eyed outgoing. Unfortunately nothing else registered.

Heidi: returned my call to tell me that she had made plans to hang out with her Dad. I was not pleased, obviously. But even more enraging is when I told her that it's okay, because I'm feeling pretty tired anyway, in a half-truth kind of way to give both myself and her an out, she took it and ran with it unapologetically. It felt like I was the one apologizing for her making other plans, even though I had told her about being in LA a week ago. Sure, one can make a point of me bringing this onto myself by not contacting her until the orientation is over at 4pm, but still.

Eric: was crusing on a 500 hp car in Westwood when I called. Dang.

Jen: bespactacled girl with red acne on nose tip, going to that city on the tip of the same penisula of where Yonago is located. Very friendly, ostentatiously dorky, I like her.

That girl from Hiroshima-shi: pretty ex-JET from Hiroshima-shi.

The car-ride back home: talked to myself on my painfully bloated bladder. A case for talking to yourself: A)it is good to talk to yourself in order to hear yourself; B)it is extremely rude to talk to others in order just to hear yourself; so C)the only person whom you can talk to yourself in order to hear yourself is yourself (besides extremely understanding friends, which are less readily available).

Matt: the guy whom I directed my car questions towards. Sort of a Gideon Yago (MTV news correspondent) look-alike. God I hate these pretty-boy types. Although you can't beat them, can't exactly join them either. I can't believe I just said that.

Bento-box: okay food. I like to think that everyone around me were secretly impressed about how thoroughly and neatly I cleaned up the whole box with my superb chopsticking.

That guy who sat next to Brandon at lunch: a history major from Berkeley. Also hailing from the dorky/otaku region. We hit it off immediately with the Berkeley/Stanford thing though neither one of us followed it up with more.

That girl from the mock-classroom panel: the hottest girl I've seen in a long time, despite the semi-buckteeth. It is possible that she appeared extra engaging precisely because of the bleached semi-buckteeth, which gave the appearance of constant smile. Though she's obviously aware of her hotness (you can tell these things, by the body language or voice intonation indicative of conscious display/dispense of cuteness, usually a turn-off), it did little to detract from the fact she is hot. It pleased me to the extreme when the wanna-be hot girl to my left commented on her cuteness. I detected a trace amount of reluctance in that comment, making it sounding almost like an admissal.

Just couldn't shake that assholy (asshole-ly, not ass-holy)/pissy attitude the whole day, due more to last night's lack of sleep (~3.5 hours after playing spade with dadmomjack) than more permament causes like inherent personality, I swear.

The email to end all emails?

Here's what I wrote to Melissa, my JET predecessor, this morning about her car:
------
>Melissa,
>
>How many months worth of shakken is left? I just
>figured out that the numbers on yahoo classified's
>shakken column indicate the remaining shakken in
>months.
>
>Just as you are unwilling to play salesman, I too feel
>awkward having to haggle. But I have done some asking
>around, and some have told me that old yellowplates
>are generally not worth more than the balance of the
>remaining shakken.
>
>This is despite the fact that I found your price
>reasonable compared to yahoo auto listings. I'm
>really torn right now. If what I've been told is
>right, and that the Alto comes with a premium at $1500
>(which seems to be what you've originally paid for the
>car minus a year of shakken at 7 man), I must figure
>out if the premium is worth it. Even after weighing
>the negatives--the car's resale value, other car
>expenses (auto tax, additional shakken, transfer of
>ownership, etc), less expensive options--against the
>positives--the peace-of-mind factor, the additional
>household stuff, the snow tires--I still don't know.
>
>Sorry for the rambling. I am writing mostly for the
>purpose of straightening out my own thoughts.
>
>I think it'll be better for me to wait it out, at
>least until I get some more info at the pre-deaprture
>orientation in LA tomorrow or at the Tokyo orientation
>in a month. So for now I don't think you should be
>expecting a check in the mail anytime soon, as I don't
>want to make a promise that either one of us might
>regret later. But I will get a chance to meet you
>after I arrive right? Perhaps we can talk about it
>more then.
>
>cho
------

and here's her uncharacteristically quick (within 3 hours) reply:

------
Hey Jeff,

Honestly...clearly it seems you are not comfortable with buying my car.
Let's just let it go - I'll sell it to some one around here. I don't
know the history of cars around here, the re-sale value ect. I'm not
that concerned with it - I just know that I bought the car for over 2
grand and I'm selling it for 1500 - I'm really sorry if this doesn't
suit you. I was totally willing to take it in payments ect., feel like
I've been pretty cool about it.

But, it would probably be best for you to just get here, look around
and buy that rice rocket that you have always dreamed of - I think it
would make you happier in the end. Just ask Nishiyama-sensei for help,
he'll be great at getting things set up for you.

I won't be here when you arrive, we all have to be out of the
apartments before you get here. But when your year is over, and if you
find yourself back in CA, I would love to meet up.

-Melissa
------

Think she's being a bit blunt, and maybe a bit put off. Although I could've used more tact, I don't think I'm being unfair by calling her car overpriced. So she paid 23 man for the car with 2 years of shakken. A year passed and few more kilometers later, she's selling me the car for 16 man, minus precisely 7 man for a year worth of shakken that she used up. Does she seriously think that she's doing me a favor by passing the car onto me for 16, costing her nothing more than 7 man for a year's use of the car, and expect me to probably lose more than 10 man when I leave Japan and probably having to junk the car?

In the words of the immortal Rory Breaker: "Just remember: if the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kind of pussy to drink it."

On types

What's your type? Personally I like girls who like me.

Because, having similar interests (i.e. me) is an important ingredient of attraction.

But that's just me.

($30.00)

Negative $30 at Eric's friend's poker game. 3 SnG tourneys for $10 each. Lost all three. Busted out first one by Issac, him 7's on the turn (caught chasing a nut flush) against my pocket 4's. Second one A3 suited, at short stack, raised pre-flop, flop missed everthing but nevertheless went all-in against second button, who called. Third one...can't remember the third one. It was just as bad I'm sure.

I better start keeping track of non PTY poker expenses as well.

My team against Mark tonight: Camby, KMart, LOdem, Rashard Lewis, DMiles, Ginobili, Rip, MBibby, Bender, Baker. Could've had Brent Barry instead of Rashard, a better ball-handler, better defender, just as many icons, but 3 points under. Even during the game before I said that I've never used Rashard well, and still I made the CPU-initialized trade. Naturally, the lack of a backup pointguard (which Brent, not Rashard, would be able to fulfill) and no other ball-handler outside of Bibby and Odom led to my downfall.

Saiyuki review (disc 1-11)

Having watched 11 discs of Saiyuki, believe me when I say that you will be properly disappointed after the first 4 or 5, when the series start to autopilot on empty steam and all the initial novelty will have worn out. In the beginning, I too was intrigued by the Chinese folk lore remake and the many lofty reviews about the interesting characters. Although all of the characters have generic shounen mannerisms and generic shounen personal baggages that give them generic shounen depth, the dynamics between the characters were nevertheless interesting and fresh in the beginning. Part of the freshness is due to the decidedly modern characters set in an anachronistic ancient China, part due to the borderline homoerotic take on friendship and comradery, part due to the cheap but clean and refreshing animation style. The cheapness needs to be emphasized, as one previous review blew the art quality of Saiyuki way out of proportion. Contrary to what had been said, Saiyuki not only is full of “one-trick pony CG” (ex. all the demons die precisely the same way, identical action sequences) but it also overuses a lot of very cheesy-looking visual effects (frozen and overlaid still-shots of character faces during “deep” dialogs, much like the style of old-school console RPG; cropped screen to give the “dramatic” look of wide screen; jamming several different shots in the same screen to create a comic book effect, etc). While the cheesiness can be tolerated, or even appreciated as stylish in the beginning, it gets old pretty fast. Furthermore, the story dwells on a lot of misplaced melodrama that often goes over the viewer’s head. During many episodes I’ve watched, I got absolutely nothing out of a certain character’s death or another’s loss that was surely intended to be an emotional experience. Other times the growth of characters are limited to the “I must get stronger so I can defeat so and so” variety. Two stars.

Behead, beheaded, beheading

Why behead? Why not dehead, or unhead?

Other words with the prefix be-: bejewel-put the jewel "on"; bespectacle-with the spetacle "on"; befriend-to become friend, put "on" friendliness; beguile-to put "on" guile; befool, belittle, bewitch, bespeak, and so on.

Notice the emphasis of on, against, around, over, to, that the be- prefix adds to the stem word.

None of them uses be- as "off" or "away" or "without."

Perhaps the verb "to behead" was originally applied to the beheader, who is adding another head "onto" his collection. No?

Winning ways

Finally, my first winning sessions on PTY since 6/12. During both sessions, hit-and-run tactics were employed: left immediately after a winning hand. Better to win small than lose big. Another reason being that both were pretty lucky hands involving 6's. The first one I had A8o, flopped 862. Turned another 6 and was check-raised. Somehow called my winning two-pair to the end. The second one I had 76 of clubs in my first hand in, raised ahead of me and for no particular reason decided to call. Flopped 683, two spades. Again the bet was raised ahead of me and again somehow decided to call. Turned the 3rd 6 and luckily no one made the flush on the rivered spade.

My Fate

This is the fortune that Dad picked out for me from the Guan Di Temple in Taipei. The main section, a 4-line poem, means thusly:

Clothing and meal will be readily available,
So there's no need to worry and fret,
If you should observe your filial piety (xiao), loyalty (jung), and trust (shin),
Luck and prosperity will come and woes and tragedy will not encroach.

Sounds good! Some other details were mentioned:

A fortune of medium luck. Fame and prosperity will find its time. Too early for either pregnancy or marriage. Illness can be cured. It is better to adhere to regular routines. No need to worry. Seek the middle and straightforward way and you will find balance between the two extremes. By forcing the way accidental trouble will incur. Follow intuition and common sense and it'll be all good.

One catch: this fortune was obtained in November 2002, in the middle of my first bout of unemployment after college. Well, I suppose THAT still applies.

PartyPoker Anallysis

During losing streak (heretofore referred to as L, ~400 hands in 6.5 hours), saw 2% more flop than during winning streak, (hitherto referred to as W, ~1200 hands in 22 hours), and raised 2% less pre-flop. 36% to 34%, 5% to 7%.

Effects of blind defense/steal negligible due to small volume (nevertheless, during W stole 5 times as often).

Although showdown percentage similiar (L 28% W 30%), winning percentage drastically different (L 31% W 56%). Perhaps due to the high winning percentage W also won more without showdown (W 26% L 18%). Question: which is atypical, 30% or 50%?

PF aggression factor [(raise%+bet%)/call%, >1.5 aggressive <.7 passive]: W .36 L .23.

F aggression factor: W 1.25 L 1.45 (notable: L also folded 5% more often, despite being more aggressive)

T aggression factor: W 2.11 L 1.1. Question: could this be the deciding factor?

R aggression factor: W 2.32 L .84.

Total aggression factor: W .9 L .63.

After pre-flop raise: W went to showdown and win more often than L after pfr, 51% to 45%, 56% to 45%. Flop bet won without showdown: W 63% L 35%. Turn bet won without showdown: W 25% L 33%. During both flop and turn L also folded more often. Obviously the winning percentage is higher for W than L, at pf, f, t and r.

Just called pre-flop: biggest difference is, obviously, winning percentage, W 55% L 22%. Not much difference in other stats.

W suprisingly also folded more often to river bet, 58% to 42% (although the folding percentages compared to total river actions are negligible, W 2.9% L 2.6%). L folded more often on flop, 14% to 10%. However, L folded less often on turn, 5.6% to 6.8%.

For both W and L, check-raising is virtually non-existent.

Overall, I became more of a calling station during L. PFR less often, and despite following up PFR with flop aggression, I often discontinue the aggression during turn and river. Whether or not this is due to differences in card quality is in question.

Additional analysis regarding card quality. Method: created a hand filter for quality hands: AKo to A9o, AKs down to A2s, KQo to KTo, KQs to K6s, QJ, JT, T9s and 98s, all pocket pairs. Also created a hand filter for premium hands: AKs to ATo, KQs to KTs, QJs to QJo, JTs, pairs down to 88.

Quality hand result: L 105/496 (21%), W 285/1254 (22%). Premium hand result: L 54/496 (11%), W 173/1254 (14%).

54 L premium hands: 26 pfr(48%), 25 went to showdown(46%), 20 folded(37%), 7 won at showdown(13%). -.76 big bet per hand (for a net loss of $53.38, although this number is skewed due to the losing 1/2 sessions). 29% winning percentage (53% when bet/raise following pfr).

173 W premium hands: 86 pfr(50%), 71 went to showdown(41%), 75 folded(43%), 40 won at showdown(23%). +.65 big bet per hand (for a $112.5 net winning). 36% winning percentage (56% when bet/raise following pfr).

105 L quality hands: 28 pfr(27%), 32 went to showdown(30%), 45 folded(43%), 9 won at showdown(9%). -.63 big bet per hand (-$84.63 overall). 21% winning percentage.

285 W quality hands: 93 pfr(32%), 95 went to showdown(33%), 127 folded(45%), 55 won at showdown(19%). +.41 big bet per hand (+$115.75 overall, notice that this number is not much different than premium hands, indicative of cutting it even on non-premium hands). 31% winning percentage.

Can't really figure out a way to determine whether or not the big disparity is due to play pattern or just pure dumb luck. There's a difference in the frequency of premium hands, perhaps the reason why I played the quality hands more often and more passively and played the premium hands more stubbornly during L. This disparity in premium hands may also be the reason why W raised more often. Assuming that these premium and quality hands virtually play themselves and that the play pattern are for the most part consistent (which is somewhat corroborated by the numbers), I am tempted to say that it's really just pure dumb luck, at least for these monster starting hands. Although during the losing sessions I did showdown more often and fold less often with my premiums, I still can't fault myself for paying off the river.

A poker game sidenote

During the game last night I found Ed to be especially annoying. The game was at his place, perhaps he felt that having homecourt advantage justified being the bitch that he was. First was a complaint about being in big blind on the first hand, which I suspected, most likely correctly, that he was simply unhappy with either his cards or his position. Then he complained about having to play a .05/.1 game. Then he stalled the game repeatedly because he couldn't remember the chip denomination, then he stalled even more, like a scab-picker fingering an open sore, upon discovering that the stalling really ticked me off. Then he stalled some more by leaving the table eating the maynaise eggplant (a Hungarian dish made by his mom, which was heavy but actually quite good) and maynaise eggs (another Hungarian dish made by his mom, which was heavy and not quite good, it also gave Ed repelling egg breath), which he could've easily done at the table and keep the pace going. When I told him, only 1/4 jokingly, to get with it or I'm gonna take his money, he felt justified to accuse me of unprovoked aggression, which naturally really pissed me off.

Ed simply ticks me off, the way he is inconsiderate about other people's patience, the way he treats each social outing as an opportunity for self-glorification, the way he plays the smug disrespectful know-it-all smartass, and the way he expects to get away with all of it, as if it is his natural right. Ironically, these are probably some of the same reasons why I tick him off too. The difference between Ed and I, is that I have more qualifications at being the smartass. Which is why I especially enjoy winning money from Ed.

AQs against AKs

The hand that ruined me tonight. My AQs against Ed's AKs.

As the short stack and after 4 straight all-in's that earned nothing but a few SB+BB's--KK, junk, TT, AA consecutively--I find myself sitting on AQ of hearts.

Flop QXX, no straight, 2 diamonds. All in called by Ed, with AK of diamonds. A 7d hit on the river and I was done.

Actually, the hand that led to the short stack kamikaze was against Mark, who flopped a straight, and I thought I had flopped a straight with an inside straight-flush draw. As it turned out, much to my chagrin, I didn't even have a straight, but somehow backdoored a low 2-pair. Very stupid indeed, it was pretty embarassing to lose with 7's up when you thought you had 7-J straight all along.

And then, upon returning home, I followed the -$2 night (lost $5 at no-limit, won $3 at the limit game prior) with another -$10 game at PTY. Damn.

I attempted a PTracker analysis after that, comparing the stats of my winning sessions (6/1-6/11) and my losing sessions (6/12-present). Although I did appear to play more tentatively and more meekly during my losing sessions (on average much lower aggression factor), most of the statistics are comparable to my winning session stats (mostly within 5%). Across the board, the statistic that showed the most disparity between sessions are the winning percentages at showdown, around 50 versus mid-20. Perhaps my current losing streak is just that--catching a prolonged cold deck? During the losing session, I saw slightly more flops, although I played them less aggressively and folded more often, went to showdown at about the same percentage. Certainly I shouldn't be blamed for losing more showdowns right? I should look more into this.

Lunch

Got my SD110 today. Had fried rice plus stewed meat and tofu for lunch.

Okay I've got it

Now we're talking.

Full tilt alert. I must stop myself from playing poker.

Yesterday I lost all of my second $50 deposit, and on the same day put in another $100. Today, lost another $25, bankroll down to about $78. I am now down $125 on Party, only $75 of which is indicated by my PokerTracker record of about 1800 hands.

Looking back on PokerTracker, I don't think that I have been playing badly overall. There were definitely spots of tilt when I made calls or raises out of frustration, but I have always been quick to stop myself and quit the session. Perhaps the tilt factor have been carrying from session to session?

Considering that I have been up $90 in less than 2 days, perhaps this current downswing is just that, a swing. <2000 hands is not that big of a pool to account for all the variances anyway. Regardless, the current situation definitely calls for a pause in any poker-related activity.

On a sidenote, Dad arrived from Taiwan yesterday.

However, upon my most recent viewing of the blog, I have decided against having a title and have reverted back to boltyping the first few words. The reason being that the Blogger template seems to be unable to put just the title in the previous post section, and that I'm just dumb enough not to know how to change this. It's better this way, believe me.

My latest decision

I have decided, instead of boldtyping the first couple of words of each blog entry, to have a simple title to each entry. Makes more sense this way. I have decided this.

That strange dream happened to me again last night. The same one during the Monterey camping trip and the Montana road trip, both inside my one-man bivouac. I've since had it a couple more times. The one from which I would wake up screaming, fall back asleep, and wake up screaming again.

It happens either right before I fall asleep or just before I wake up. In fact, it was because of it that I was unable to sleep last night, trapped and immobile between dream and wakefulness. The moment I close my eyes, the ground beneath me would shiver and writhe, not unlike sleeping on top of one or many burrowing creatures. Sometimes it feels like a single tunneling mole, sometimes it feels like a swarm of rats chewing through my bed, and sometimes it feels like coils of snakes slithering all around me. The sensation is always very real in a physical, tactile way, and if I try to ignore it the sensation would invariably intensify and eventually I couldn't help but to scream myself awake, for fear of being violently swallowed up.

I would have to restrain myself from screaming, as I am usually quite conscious of my nightmaring at the time. In fact these nightmares are quite lucid, which only adds to their terror, since at the time I have little means of escaping them. I would try to move my body in an attempt to wake up, but due to the pre-REM state of muscular relaxation I always struggle to move even a little bit, and always end up jerking myself violently just before the terror culminates and climaxes. I would wake up, tell myself that it wasn't real, try to go back to sleep. Then the motion would start up again, as if the beast(s) beneath me merely paused due to my movement. This happend at least a dozen times last night, and I yelled (wasn't quite screaming, was aware of Jack still awake and somehow made the attempt to mask the yelling with feigned annoyance, which was REALLY weird: terrified but at the same embarrased, try to hide it but nevertheless couldn't help but remain terrified) at least half dozen times.

I don't think that this had anything to do with the Lakers' defeat, however.

My prediction. An email I sent out 2 minutes ago.

I predict that Rick Fox and Bryan Russel will drop a combined 40 on the Pistons tonight, Shaq will make 14 straight free-throws, Payton will lead the team in rebounds, and Kobe will have 4 points, 20 assists, and no turnover.

Karl will lose his knee brace and his right shoe on a lay-up attempt, which will hit Rasheed in the eye and sideline him for the entire game. Hamilton's mask will fog up and his blurred vision will cause him to run into a pick and breaking his nose in the 3rd quarter. Kid Rock will spill his beer and Chauncey will trip on it, breaking his tailbone. Luke Walton will dunk on Ben Wallace, and as a result both Walton senior and Phil Jackson will have to be escorted out by security for excessive celebration and excessive reference to John Wooden, respectively.

And in the end, they will probably still lose to the Pistons.

Which is just as well, I would never share a championship with all these fair weather band wagon fans in LA anyway. Fuck them. Tell them that Yankees still have a shot and their hats are on sale.

After watching all the Lakers' pre, regular, and post season games, I knew from the beginning that this was going to be a tough series, despite all these basketball gurus annointing Lakers in 5. Somehow, recognizing all the flaw in my team makes me feel like the one true Lakers' fan in the world.

cho

Sitting in front of my computer, waiting for a phone call from Japan that should come any minute now. I've hear Melissa's voice, I wonder what Honda-san sounds like.

My computer was acting up the past couple of days. After I reformatted the hard drive on (Saturday?) and re-installed everything, found out on Monday morning that the C drive had somehow disappeared from the CMOS. Strange. Got a few screws from the repair department in BestBuy and screwed the laptop bottom tight and reinstalled XP and her friends. Now I'm back on track.

I did lose about 100 hands and $25 worth of losing sessions from Party. Compensated by deleting two winning sessions from earlier last week. Looking at my malnurished bankroll, decided to give it another workout. Unfortunately, bankroll lost some more weight.

Dave & Bustered it up Sunday night with JETs from socal. Really nice folks all around. There was Serra with Lucy Liu eyes, works at Banana Republic, smokes Parliament and who was very friendly with me (although her voice was kind of annoying); Mike with Shaq jersey and Canon S410, some chick from UCLA whom I wasn't able to strike a good conversation; another chick from UCLA, a Nepalian/Japanese with a silver stud on her left nostril--whose facial structure somehow reminded me of Buddha, but in a much hotter/exotic/sexier way--I think she intentionally ignored my attempts at S-bombing; another blonde from Pepperdine, kind of chunky body but claimed to be a great swimmer; a Hispanic girl and an Asian guy who couldn't stop talking about frats and sorrority (the girl ordered Alien secretion for shots); another Asian girl who was a pretty good pool player (mental note: somehow, in Mike's email to the forum he talked up the girl's game but neglected to acknowledge my pool skill); another girl from Loyola? who was intellectually snobby and completely blew me off. I haven't had the chance to go out and meet new people in such a long time, my mind was so overloaded with socializing I left my credit card unclosed at the bar, which was not retrieved until this afternoon. There will probably be another round of SoCal JET get-together.

Lakers facing elimination tonight. Somehow, having been rooting for the Pistons all series, I feel responsible for their demise. Not that I want the Lakers to lose, but a combination of various factors make it hard for me to root for them this year. The passion, loyalty and respect with which Pistons play as a team is a much attractive brand of basketball than the Lakers' Devean and the fab four. I've always held Larry Brown above and beyond Phil, whose antics are really getting on my nerves. The manner with which everyone jumped onto the Lakers' band wagon also disgusts me as a Lakers' fan: suddenly everyone is a Lakers' fan and begin to think of themselves as basketball gurus for getting a free ride. Even Eric proclaimed, at one point, that Lakers will win in 5. What the fuck does he know about the Lakers? I just can't root for my team with these jokers as my comrades-in-arms. Strangely, having watched the Lakers all season long and throughout the playoffs, I feel that my worthiness as a Lakers' fan is validated for recognizing their flaws against the Pistons. Everyone counted them out, but not me: not because I liked the Pistons, but because I know my Lakers. I hope they win tonight and bring the game back to LA. If they win the next two, it would've been history; if they get blown out at Staples Center, I am almost certain that they will be empty seats and perhaps even boos; let the world see the the true face of these wallflower Laker fans. Fuck them.

Chalk another one up to the pantheon of bad beats. AK of diamonds in 5th position, 4 callers in front. Raised but somehow got 2 more callers behind. AKs against 8 players, this had bad news written all over it.

Flop K and J of spades and 10 of clubs. Bet to me, raise, only 5 callers.

Turned 9 of indiscriminate suit--what does it matter? Bet, raised from behind, 2 callers in front, what is AKs to do but call? (the pot was over $12, justifying a $1 draw at a queen gut shot)

River 5 of spades. The raiser bet and one more called, what is AKs to do but call?

Somehow, the preflop raise was unable to drive out Q6o and 36 of spades. Unbelievable.

The poker hell continues and my bankroll now down to $58, only $8 above the second $50 I put in. I shall now declare code orange on the tilt scale.

I had just gone to poker hell, but I'm not sure if I've made it out yet.

It all began on Friday when I registered Poker Tracker. Friday afternoon was a great run, double tabled .5/1 all the way up to $140, ~$40 up since Thursday night. Lost a tournament in 5th place after dinner. Called Mark about the party at his house without a response, fiddled about, this and that, and then played my first 1/2 session. Down 7, up 1.5, down 6, then came the big wallop of down 25. Back to $105 for the day, 3 more dollars for 5+ hours of work.

Reformatted my hard drive Saturday, some .dll decided to stop working even after repeated cajoling and rebooting. Put everything back together, went to Ocean's 11 with Mark and Ed. Bought in for $50 at around 8:30, down to $8 before 11. Bought in for $40 more and ended up at $63, down $27 for the night (I thought I was down more than that at the time but come to think of it, I didn't do that badly--a fleeting moment of breeze in poker hell). Played a total of no more than 6 hands to the river. Playing tight naturally is no match for the shotgun method of the players there. Top pair with top kicker is just no good against gut-shot straights on the river. Bastards. The Mexican sitting to my right had no hand, literally. He made plenty of sets and flushes but had a stub for a left hand. On the way back we joked about how he would be perfect for a one-breasted woman.

Got back, finished installing newsbin and a couple of other things. Drank a beer and watched some net porn, somehow the pornography turned me on to some more poker. Just when you thought you were out, they drag you back in.

Few hours later, this is where I am. On tilt and down to $79. I swear, the deck had something against me. AKs, A2s, A3s flopped 3 cards of some other suit, AKo with A on board betting into a set, QQ flopped AAK, 99 flopped 555 and caught between a raising war (A5 against AA), ace high flush beaten by a straight flush, would someone please pity le fou?

I am still mad as hell. Goddammita;sdfp987324#!25o8!@#$#*O FUCK!

Agnieszka and I talked on the phone yesterday, about mostly graduate school stuff. Can't say that I gained any additional insight through our conversation but it was beneficial nonetheless--it validated what I've already been thinking about the application process. We also talked briefly about the De Waal the pop scientist. Agnieszka mentioned that I had a reluctance to ask for help...which is scary insightful, considering that my parents once said that about me too.

Mark got back yesterday, and I unintentionally encouraged him to check my website and read my blog. I don't know how I feel about people I know reading it closely. Strange thing about this blog phenomena: you don't care about complete strangers reading it, but you feel uneasy when it is read by people whom you know and trust. Regardless, once the site is more populated I will probably give out the address to a few whom I know anyway. On second thought, maybe I should work on its googlability first.

Heidi visited me today. Much were talked about, some serious, some lighthearted. Nostalgia, soul-searching, bantering, hysterical tickling and silent embrace all rolled into one. Somehow she always makes me feel that she has given me more than I have given her back--not guiltily but gratefully, in a I-can't-wipe-my-smile-off-of-my-face-hours-later kind of way. I hate to give her advice on how to leave Earnest because I really wish she does just that and make me feel like this everyday until God knows when.

I should have told her I love her when we walked to the car. I was afraid what that would've done so I didn't.

In honor of the Piston's win in Game 1, I'll copy and paste what I posted to BigDaikon a few days ago, immediately after the Pistons/Pacers series:

--------------------------------------------
Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 8


Posted: 2004-06-02 Wed 19:48:43 Post subject:
Alright, since I've watched almost every single playoff games so far, I'm qualified to ramble on:

First of all, I hate 90% of Lakers' fans. Especially waggon hoppers with Kobe jersey and Yankee hats. You know who you are.

But they're half of my home teams. Go Clips! We are number 2! The Ethan Hawke to Lakers' Jude Law (in Gattaca)!

The 4 HOF'er myth is complete bullshit. Sure Karl can still drop bows, but I'm gettnig sick of his chair-pulling and that first-down sign. And to be fair, even I can score here and there catching dimes from the Stockman. Since when do you see a HOF afraid to take open 17 footers? Okay, I concede: when KG's coming at ya. The way Karl slap-striped KG throughout the series reminds me of MJ stripping his ass before lauching his jumper over Russel--who's role is now reduced to a cheerleader with no tits on the Lakers' bench.

As for GP, he's more mitten than Glove now. Who's he gonna guard? Rip or Billups? And inexplicably he is still jawing and yapping like he's the shit. Frankly it's sad. Even Wally felt justified shit-talking back to GP's trash in Game 5. If the Wolves had either Cassell or Hudson healthy, this'll be the Lake show's final season.

And Kobe. I can't really talk shit, fearing anal rape. The man is unguardable on and off and in the court. But the whole media spinning the Kobe trip from CO to LA into some sort of Homerian Odyssey is just stupid. How hard can it be to get limoed and charter-jetted around? Sure the trial might be nerve-wrecking...only to your guilt-conscience.

Shaq. I love the man. f*** Kobe. Trade him for T-Mac and you get 2 more rings. Anyone who says Shaq's game is pure muscle and no skill has never touched a basketball in his life. Oliver Miller is 330 plus and I would pay a month's salary to see him jump-stop slam from the free-throw line, let alone spinning-baseline-oops. But the Yao Dynasty is coming, so Shaq better shap up.

When it comes down to it, my favorite Laker is Luke Walton. But his dad sucks.

---------------------------------------------
To add to the points made above, Larry Brown is ten times the coach+player Phil Jackson ever was. The Pistons had trouble scoring against a team like the Pacers only because it was coached by the former Pistons coach! Detroit has enough O to score against the Lakers and take 2-3 games from them, especially in the 2-3-2 format.

But at the end of the day, I will continue to cheer for the Pistons until Game 7.

Politics: when and how who gets what (according to De Waal, quoting Harrold Laswell). No wonder it's so freaking boring. This is just one of my insights/learnings today. There are more.

Self-esteem in America, as a result of coffee-table self-help books and daytime TV shows, has become a goal in and of itself and increasingly disconnected from actual merit and worth.

Isn't it interesting that Eden can be scrabbled to spell Need?

Apparently aphasia patients have lost the ability to understand language. However, they are so adept at reading non-verbal clues during communication that they are practically impossible to lie to. An anecdote by neurologist Oliver Sacks (1985): when the presidential debate was shown at an aphasia ward, the whold room convulsed with hysterical laughter.

A parallel between philosophy and art: they are both useless.

Interesting insight from PokerGrub: strippers and nurses are more alike than you think.

Upon reading the previous post, I have come to the conclusion that I must've been stoned. Laboratory results confirms that this was so.

Played 5+ hours of PartyPoker yesterday. Ups and downs, from up $29 to the final +$18, arriving (so far close to 9 hours and 533 hands later since the arrival of PokerTracker)at about +$2 per hour. Once I reach the 1000 hand PokerTracker free trial limit I must consider either purchasing the full software or move up in limit to take full advantage of my 2 big bets/hour stat.

Played until 6 in the morning. In my short nap until 11am I dreamt that I won the lottery on the closed-circuit TV in a classroom. I was congratulated and high-fived and chest-bumped by JPenn, whose oddly incongruous presence in a classroom that looked like my Taiwanese elementary school only overshadowed by the awkwardness I felt facing Lin Jung Xiao, a moody playmate in 5-6th grade, someone whom I haven't thought about, and never thought that I would ever thought about, in years.

The appearance of LJX was so jarring it woke me up, missing out on the 3 million jackpot.

Here's an idea for a short story. A Jewish physicist from near future travels back in time to Biblical times. He sought out Jesus and described the future after his death, all the countless wars and slavery carried out in his name. Jesus subsequently turned himself in to the Romans in shame.

I think the world will be a better place if Confucius is wiped out from our memory as well. Sure he's got a few good points, a (dictatorial) society with emphasis on justice and education can't be bad; but a family cannot be based on love and respect and harmony without intimacy. I charge Confucius with abolishing intimacy from most of the East Asian families.

It could also be said that intimacy just takes on a different strand, a decidedly Occidental strand. Again, as usual, I have no point. Just needed to get this shit off my mind so I can drive the insomniac hordes out of my head.

Visiter Q Review. If you’re wondering what Visiter Q’s title image represents, it is a naked Japanese woman, wrapped in trash bag, being suckled by her husband, minutes after chopping and sawing the limbs of multiple corpses, whom they murdered as a gleeful family bonding. I won’t dwell much further on the savage specifics of Visiter Q, as I’m sure all the other reviews have painted a pretty clear picture for you. But, after watching Q, I can guarantee that, whether you love it or hate it, the emotions you felt will be extreme and the imageries will stay focused in your memory for a long, long time. Such is Miike’s magic and vision. Although the uneven pace of the movie felt like a soap opera or a badly cut reality TV program, it keeps the viewer clueless as to where the movie is going. Through obviously digital lenses and cheap production, Miike (can I call you Takashi?) somehow conjured up one unforgettable cinematic experience. And he does it again and again and yet again, like a relentless lioness tugging at your mane. I can still remember when I watched Audition or Ichi the Killer for the first time, all the awe and bewilderment I felt. In a way, it’s a lot like sex (in the American puritan tradition): ecstasy, shame, love, disgust, connection, insecurity, desire, doubt, longing, embarrassment, etc. all rolled up into a scorching ball of conflicting emotions and desires and stuffed into a ripping, bloated condom and then …(I’m a guy after all) it’s all flaccid and sticky and you throw it away but you don’t forget about it. Not until the next one. God I feel like a cigarette.

By the way, an addendum to the poker game at Dominik's. The had that won it all, I had 3X both red (X < 10) in big blind. Flopped 33X rainbow. Up to this point I've been using my stack size to steal pots here and there. With blinds at 5-10, been stealing with bets anywhere from 30 to 10 and Dominik obviously had caught on and was unhappy about it, but couldn't really do a thing with his short stack. Dominik checks, I hesitated to slowplay my trips, but feigned weakness betting 10. Dominik immediately went over the top all-in with A8o. You can figure out the rest.

Alright, since I've watched almost every single playoff games so far, I'm qualified to ramble on:

First of all, I hate 90% of Lakers' fans. Especially waggon hoppers with Kobe jersey and Yankee hats. You know who you are.

But they're half of my home teams. Go Clips! We are number 2! The Ethan Hawke to Lakers' Jude Law (in Gattaca)!

The 4 HOF'er myth is complete bullshit. Sure Karl can still drop bows, but I'm gettnig sick of his chair-pulling and that first-down sign. And to be fair, even I can score here and there catching dimes from the Stockman. Since when do you see a HOF afraid to take open 17 footers? Okay, I concede: when KG's coming at ya. The way Karl slap-striped KG throughout the series reminds me of MJ stripping his ass before lauching his jumper over Russel--who's role is now reduced to a cheerleader with no tits on the Lakers' bench.

As for GP, he's more mitten than Glove now. Who's he gonna guard? Rip or Billups? And inexplicably he is still jawing and yapping like he's the shit. Frankly it's sad. Even Wally felt justified shit-talking back to GP's trash in Game 5. If the Wolves had either Cassell or Hudson healthy, this'll be the Lake show's final season.

And Kobe. I can't really talk shit, fearing anal rape. The man is unguardable on and off and in the court. But the whole media spinning the Kobe trip from CO to LA into some sort of Homerian Odyssey is just stupid. How hard can it be to get limoed and charter-jetted around? Sure the trial might be nerve-wrecking...only to your guilt-conscience.

Shaq. I love the man. f*** Kobe. Trade him for T-Mac and you get 2 more rings. Anyone who says Shaq's game is pure muscle and no skill has never touched a basketball in his life. Oliver Miller is 330 plus and I would pay a month's salary to see him jump-stop slam from the free-throw line, let alone spinning-baseline-oops. But the Yao Dynasty is coming, so Shaq better shap up.

When it comes down to it, my favorite Laker is Luke Walton. But his dad sucks.

Textbook example of pot-odds. 9-10 handed hold'em at Dominik's place in Irvine last night. Was first out in the first game, won the second. Tallying $53 net winning for the night (lost $10 for the 1st, won $70 for the second, minus the $10 buy-in and the $3 won from the interim side game).

There were 4 hands I remembered clearly. 1 was a mistake of unawareness, 1 somewhat negative luck of the draw, 1 extremely positive luck of the draw, 1 excellent play.

Holding 89 suited. Flopped 85? rainbow. I bet, called by the guy with the tilted Dodger's hat. Turned 9, making me 2-pair, bet big, called. No flush possibility but completely unaware of the possible straight. It turned out he made his straight on the turn and was baiting on me. Bet big on river, double-raised, called, lost.

With the shortest of short stacks and holding A7 suited, only an orbit from the above-mentioned hand. All-in, called by Roberto with ATo. 10 came on the turn. First out.

Second game. Holding KT suited, flopped K. Bet, called. Turned 9 of clubs, giving me a flush draw on the river with top pair and mediocre kicker. Bet, raised all-in by Roberto. At this point I was the big stack of the table, was winning and bluffing consistently, had the entire table's attention and I called without really even thinking. He turned over his K9, and I really had no idea that he had two-pairs until I rivered a T, beating his two-pair. Almost felt like apologizing. But I didn't.

The turning point of the second game. I was second in chips behind Dominik, which had slightly more than double my chips. Darrin the skinny guy and the Dodger hat on my right and left respectively. Dealt AA in big blind. Dodger hat folds, Dominik calls, Darrin calls, I raised doubling the blind. Domink calls, Darrin folds.

Flopped two spades and something else, all below T. Bet 10 (blind was 3-6 I think), Dominik raised 30. There were about 80 in the pot, and I had slightly less than double that. Dominik throughout the night had gotten on many people's nerves by calling all-in's with nothing more than flush and OE straight draws. They all could've been smart plays depending on the size of the pot and his stack, I don't know. Can't really put a good read on Dominik's game. He seemed pretty weak, checking and limping in a lot, but somehow won both of the previous games. Is he putting a play on me? I re-raised all in, putting the pot-odds at about 1.5:1 for him to call his flush draw. Dominik thought about it, and "What the hell," called and lost, making me the chip leader. Turning point of the night.

Once I've got the chip lead I was able to lean on everybody. Stealing blinds from all positions, it was beautiful. Won that game without much effort.

Agnieszka,

It took me some time to find you. How's Princeton treating you?

This is Jeff Cho from the class of 2001 (but graduated in winter 02). It's been two years so I'll refresh your memory. In the fall and winter of 02, I worked with you at the Humanities Center. I started out doing research on animal sympathy/empathy and its relationship to ethics, but instead spent the bulk of my efforts developing the topic of my honor's thesis on folk psychology, in which I compared and contrasted simulation theory and theory theory. I've always felt a little bit guilty about that.

Okay, I'll cut straight to the point: I am considering studying philosophy at the graduate level.

After graduation I asked for your recommendation for law school, and that was the direction that I tentatively picked. I scored well on the LSAT and workd at a DC law firm as a paralegal; but a year later found that I probably will never be a great attorney, at least not one who's terribly interested at what he's doing. Meanwhile I've been working part-time and reading through old papers and popular (=not academic) philosophy books and talking with my grad school friends. So here I am.

I will be teaching English in Japan, for a full year starting this July (as you knew, this was something I had considered after graduation, but chose paralegal instead). I hope to start a graduate program in September 2005. Too late?

I have most of the application requirements in place: recommendations from you and Krista Lawlor on file at the CDC, the thesis as my writing sample, 3.41 GPA (phil grades were slightly higher), 1450 GRE (writing unknown).

As to the rest, I was hoping you can clue me in.

Which programs will I qualify for? How should I choose between them? Being out of school for two years, I'm not sure if I can choose a possible field or faculty with any degree of confidence. Would a terminal master's program make more sense? Are there questions that I haven't thought of? So far, I've done my research exclusively from philosophicalgourmet.com.

(I've considered the economical aspect of a career in philosophy, and it's a risk I'm willing to take, for now)

Let me know.

Thanks,
cho

(a similar, well, nearly identical, email was sent to Krista Lawlor as well)