I was at the supermarket picking up some beer. And there he was, in the produce section, Jesus.

"So...long time no see." he turned and saw me, then spoke hesitantly and awkwardly fondles the zucchini in his basket with his long, persistant fingers.

"Yeah." I couldn't look him in the eyes. I never could, even during the most divine of all our nights together.

"How are you doing?" Jesus hesitated before speaking to fast.

"Fine, fine. Thanks. You?"

"I'm doing okay." Long pause.

"It's been like, 3 months." he said, with much care.

"Yeah. 3 months already." I replied.

"You still seeing that red-headed boy?"

"No, we broke up a month ago."

Jesus' halo suddenly lit up, bright as a Broadway spotlight.

Where's my poker? Just finished reading "Wittgenstein's Poker" by David Edmonds and John Eidinow.

I have to say that, as I expected, the philosophy in this book is rather less than the tip of the iceberg. Popper's falsification principle and Wittgenstein's philosophy (unfortunately I did not do very well in Phil 60 and was never adequately acquainted with the Luciferian genius of Wittgenstein) were briefed and glanced over. Although the book sheds interesting light on the petty fights over grand struggles that face philosophers of the time. Wittgenstein thought philosophy as the task of clarifying linguistic ambiguities and puzzles, while Popper thought that philosophy dealt with real problems with real world ramifications. It was perhaps a product of their times that they both felt that, to support their respective views, it does not suffice to be merely eloquant, sharp, intelligent, and insightful, but also murderously passionate.

Which makes me wonder: does philosophy arouse this kind of passion within me? Does it need to in order for me to justify taking the path of an academic philosopher?

Dead at Party Account at PartyPoker depleted. From 64 to zero in God knows how many seconds. Well, it didn't take long to be on the short-end of two all-in's. AJo against 55, caught the 3rd 5 on the flop. AQo against TT, caught a 4 flush on board (the only non-flush card was an ace, strictly poetic/aethestic moral points). What can I say?

Prior, came home from Mark's birthday party with 3 NBALive victories and a headful of weed at 3am. Perhaps all of the above depleted my good karma, sobriety and common sense to be gambling at 4am.

Still prior, cell conversation/proposition with Nancy. Yes, it did sound too much like a proposition now I think of it. "Hi, how are you doing?" "I was wondering what your plans are next week," "I'd like to take you out sometime," "Take you out, yes, as in interest..." "Oh that's too bad." There was further valiant but ultimately vain persistence. For moral points only.

She did ask if I'm still going to her birthday party this weekend though. Moral points with a slightly larger multiplier in the decimals.

Sigh.

Sth Worth Writing Ed just took me in our poker game this week. Mark is still in, but unless Ed does something dramatically stupid with his huge stack he'll probably win. He did call some of my shots though. I give him props, but he's starting to get on my nerves with all the shit talking he's filling up my dining room with. Til next time, Edward Blues.

The BBQ at Mark's house yesterday was fun, despite being slightly hung over, still drank my way from 2 through 10. Brian, Brian's boyfriend Will, Kate, Taps, Eric, Eric's friend/ex/girlfriend/just-whats-her-status Phong (sp?), Mark, Ed, Megan, Erica and Ian, Jack and Di, the Latins were all there. Good lamb, couldn't try the ribs though. By nightfall I was so tired I watched Adaptation instead of socializing. The movie, as well as all the couples at the party made me slightly depressed and wanting to call Nancy.

Oh, by the way, started playing $25 no limit at Party. After much ups and downs arrived at $65.

Japanese Party Okay, the party was preceeded by some meaningful work, which makes it even more worthwhile, in a way.

Let's see. GRE on Thursday. 1450. 800 math, 650 verbal. High enough score to be sure but still on the lower range of expectation. However, isn't it funny that 1450 is the exact score of my SAT? Who says that these standardized tests aren't accurate measurament of your innate ability?

Also received my assignment on JET. Nakayama, a town of pop. 5096. I don't really know what to say about this. More on future entries.

Today, or rather, tonight, attended the Japanese dinner and the belated birthday party at Gabe's house. Ryoko brought her friend Ryoko and the gender ratio was as Gabe promised. Although the different groups of people stayed within their different groups, the party was actually a lot of fun. Much flirting with Gretchin, some more with Joy, which must have inspired some jealousy with Nancy, which in turn must have resulted in some positive points and a further date during her birthday next Friday. Score! One more drunken date with Nancy is all I'm asking for at this point. And this time I have the upper hand. Sweet. Sunset room, I think.

Dreamt: underwater, surrounded by feeding frenzy Literally millions of hagfish feeding simultaneously on the ocean bottom, their snake-like bodies undulating furiously against whatever it is that they were feeding on, not unlikely ones of their own. There were also these orange looking worm like critters amongst the opaque hagfish. For some reason they do not notice that I am among them, but it still scares the shit out of me. The entire dream was carried out like a slide presentation, with captions. Very strange presentation format for a dream.

Among the slides there was also this strange object that I called the Oculis in the dream. It was like a giant open-ended cocoon, a giant, uh, sea sponge. With spikes, numerous spikes like baby rhino horns covering every inch of its body, inside AND out. Just as strange as the slide-like dream presentation, I made a mental note to myself that I would look up this Oculis thing on the Internet when I wake up, and I did, during the dream. I found out that this Oculis thing is not natural at all but man-made, some sort of underwater instrument. It was either hiding in the claustrophobically horned space inside the Oculis or standing exposed outside among the hungry hungry hagfish. I chose inside. Inside the Oculis, every echoe can be heard (an unlikely event underwater I know) and is somehow tuned. Every spike, when lightly rubbed, made its own tone. Further slide/internet search showed footage of actual musicians playing inside the oculis on stage. There was probably a story in there somewhere.

Just prior to the next dream, had a dream that I read this reader's digest article about a husband's reaction to his wife geting some sort of STD. He couldn't figure out from where she could've gotten it and that really damaged the relationship. Then he figured it out as she was holding up the baby just before its diaper change. The baby's dirty diaper, with all its shit and urine, was rubbing against her pussy the whole time. Ah, mystery of the STD solved. And then they lived happily every after. Note: the wife was raven haired and fair skinned and extremely beautiful, kisses very slowly, C-cups that bounce during coital. There was probably a story in there somewhere too.

Definitely in this one. The last dream near morning which killed my erection. At the long sandy beach. Wyler complained that there weren't any waves. I looked and could see a swell encroaching in the far horizon, and developed into an enormous 20 foot semi-tsunami. "That wave could kill us," and it could, the way it broke right above the sadbar. As the waves crashed, I notice that a sandy protrusion was among the white wash: a beached whale. It was covered in sand and gasped for air. We approached cautiously, twice jumping back as it bellowed. Then it was quiet, real quiet. I noticed that the tsumani brought a couple of fishing boats stuck in the piles of sand behind the whale. We got closer. Zoom, out from above the beached whale came this gleaming white 70's Mercedes, with an unidentified driver. We got rea close. Now, for some reason the whale really doesn't look like a whale anymore, but rather like an unopened pupa. Its mouth started to wiggle in an aorganic manner and we ran back. The lips of the whale/pupa opened and spit out a giant snake. The giant snake wriggled on the sand and stood up, taking the form of a velociraptor. Then the velociraptor extended its wings and jumped up into the air, sand and water and reflected sun trickling down its leathery gray skin. We ran. We ran and hid in this beach condo, but the dragon followed right after us. It kept poking its head here and there and breathing really hard when we looked for ways to escape. It started talking, sounding like a teenage skateboarder...

Idea for continuation and development of further story: how about that the dragon ages from baby ga ga to old man wisdom and then finally death in less than a hour (progression demonstrated through dialog).

Dreamt: played waterpolo in the ocean with beach volleyball players (some appeared to be professional, I could've sworn that Sinjin Smith was in the water), using articles of clothing or beach gear as balls. For some reason I swam faster than anybody else out there and was a monster in the water through many cherrypicking scores. It was great.

There was another dream after but was unfortunately forgotten.

Train of thought #39 Is Kayvon a cynic or an idealist?

#40 Great conversation between Mark and Eric tonight at D&B: do you, as a principle of life, make the best out of your lot or push the boundary of your ability? Eric is obviously a deciple of the former, but is that the best approach as a life philosophy? Personally, I'd rather die as a unfulfilled idealist that lives just a tad beyond my comfort zone, knowing that I had dug in and sucked it up and pushed it.

#41 Smoking in front of my house, with every throat clearing, a rabbit (or perhaps a person whom I was unable to see without my glasses) pushed a glass bottle around. This happened at least 3 times, it's like there's a telekenetic connection between us.

#42 Studied with my Japanese study group. Went shopping with Mitsuro at Urban Outfitters. Jarrel brought his hookah and Gabe brought his friend Gretchin to the Japanese restaurant while I watched the last minutes of the Lakers/Spur game. Somehow I don't think that I have a good shot with Nancy. But I still have a few more shots left.

#43 Roth IRA is a better option than 401K. Hands dow.

Also, the Lakers beat Spurs today. If that's not an auspicious sign, I don't know what is.

New Beginning Interesting. Before I began this blog entry, I was going to write about my moment of epiphany, a new beginning. Funny how it coincided with the revamped blogger site.

Made BBQ dinner as a mother's day gift. Argument with Mark over the phone about my story. Followed up by a half-concealed apology phonecall. Did some GRE work. Watched Tokyo Godfather. Smoked my last American Spirit. Threw away the rest of the pack and the secret toy. Tomorrow will be another day. A brand new day with a new perspective.

Real Money #2 played until 7am last night. Bankroll now at $112. Not bad for two night's work. Speaking of poker, played last night with Ed, Taps, Mark and Eric. Won again. I am unstoppable.

Until tonight. Out in less than 20 minutes against Ed, Mark and Taps. KJo against QQ. I raised, Mark re-raised, I re-re-raised before the flop. Flop came A34 rainbow. I bet, Mark calls. Rivered 5, I went all in. Mark called. What was he thinking!? Calling with QQ with an ace on the flop!? I tried to maintain my poker face after the all in bet, come to think of it, that was probably a dead giveaway that I was bluffing. Dammit.

Real Money played 50/1 tonight. My first venture into real money. Doubled up to $50. Really soft games where people will pay off your nut-flushes with top pairs. Bankroll now at ~$75.

Writing class today. Reviewed 6 stories. All average and nothing interesting as usual. The collective depth of the class is severely lacking.

Have a great first line for my story (stolen from Professor Adventure): Due to some quirky glitch in the space-time continuum, I have literally forgotten more than I've ever known.

Nothing else though. Perhaps the story of a unaware time-traveller and his mis-adventures in an ironic tone. Perhaps not.

Maybe the story of a faux-clerks video store clerk and his friendhsip with a crazy homeless guy, interspersed with all the idiosyncracies of video store clients. Throw in the guy who makes combover an artform.

Victory over Mark and Ed, after a $5 rebuy. Final hand: QJo vs TT. Rivered the queen.

Ocean's 11 went to the Oceanside casino with Mark last night and played 3 hours of 1/2 hold'em from 9 to 12. Bought in for 50, rebought 10 and left with $39.50. Mark was way up, at least doubled-up. Won 3 hands all night: pocket queens with queen on flop, over KK; pair of jacks on river, 3rd highest pair; and somehow, somehow, a huge pot (30+ dollars) with an ace high. Don't ask me.

Played basketball Saturday.

Result: 2cm laceration just below and to the left of left eyebrow and 7 jagged stiches. It's tough to play a game in which your face is on the level with everybody else's elbows.

On the bright side, with the inevitable scar I may have finally found the elusive street cred. Holla.

Lakers lost to Spurs, without HDTV. Apparently ABC doesn't broadcast NBA playoffs in HD. Those bastards. I can't believe that baseball gets HDed and not NBA playoffs. I feel like I don't know about this world that I live in anymore.

Joke How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog.

Nothing new really. Wolves and Heat both won. Lakers/Spurs Sunday noon at Mark's house with his new Hi-Def TV. Eric's in Vegas, again.

Still without an idea for the story.