Now what? Reflect.

I'm alone in the staff room again. I have nowhere I have to be and no idea where all my teachers have gone. Think I'll load up PTY soon.

I hate writing summary/catchup blogs like the one below this one, a laundry list of fading memories and bleached insights. Without a computer at home to blog regularly over the weekends, what else could I do?

These are the two most important projects going on in my life right now.
1) Study Japanese--consists of making flashcards and studying grammar from the textbook.
2) Thesis re-write--need to shorten my senior thesis by 50% for grad school app.

Unfortunately I have not even begun to take either seriously, and I've been here for over 2 months. My grad school app. efforts are especially disheartening. I don't have a 3rd letter writer, re-write isn't even in shape, haven't even started on the statement of purpose and only gotten 2 applications (out of "potentially" 6 choices) so far. I can't even read the many philosophy books/papers I brought without nodding off. I am so discouraged with the way everything has been going on this front I am having doubts about the whole grad school venture; and even against my vigilance, thoughts of law school have again grabbed an unthreatening but alarming beachfront in my mind.

And of course, I have no Japanese to speak of. It hasn't improved much and there's a reason for that. Instead, I have been wasting my time in other pointless pursuits:

3) Watching Japanese movies without subtitle, basically time-wasting entertainment under the pretense of language learning.
4) Watching Japanese TV under the same charade.
5) Patronizing various ramen shops.
6) Playing pool. Getting my ass kicked regularly by Shuichi with no signs of improvement.
7) Playing with calligraphy. Play, not practice with rigor.
8) Socializing without depth or connection. "Acquaintancizing."
9) Spacing out. Doing nothing. I wish I could call this meditating but it really isn't.
10)Doing any of the above, plus others, with a minimum of 2 drinks.

Yet there ARE positives in my life. There has to be or I have no excuse not to hang myself.

I have been running regularly, with training intensity. My teachers enlisted me on their ekiden team for the 10/24 race, and I'm running the 3.1km leg. Been training at 6-7min/mile pace, with sets of 400m sprints or no more than 6km jogs. I ran a sub 6 mile two days ago. I'm starting to feel strong again.

And of course. There's my friendship with Yuko. I'd like to start dating her (ahm, with proper dating activities) but don't know exactly where to start with the language/cultural gap. I never thought that I could be attracted to someone without being able to communicate at a deep personal/spiritual level, but I really like the fact that I never overthink or outthink myself when I'm with her. Everything with Yuko is straightforward and simple and fun and natural. So I'm comfortable knowing that it will come naturally eventually.

That's it I guess. Gotta go pick up Amy.