Day 1 at Nakayama JHS: an unexpected elegy

My first day of school was full of surprises. Most are pleasant, though one single EXTREMELY upsetting one ruined the day, and perhaps many subsequent weeks as well. My Dell Inspirion 5000, who has been with me since junior year of Stanford, had finally decided that my first official day at work is the perfect time to hang up the banner. It was working fine this morning on my coffee table, where I shut it off and bagged it to school. But it refused to work at my desk in the school staff room. After what seemed like a few hundred reboots(I did nothing except rebooting for at least 1.5 hours, during staff meeting and school cleaning), my computer went from freezing during the Dell logo, to freezing during the XP loading screen, to freezing during the safe mode option screen, to blank screen, to a blank screen without the hard drive noise, and finally to a blank screen, no hard drive noise, and the computer turning on and shutting off in an endless cycle for no apparent reason all by itself.

After I, Nishiyama-sensei, and Ehara-sensei tried all the different computer folk-medicine remedies that we know. Which, besides rebooting in vain, included various banging techniques, from different angles with different levels of force, hoping that some unknown screw would miraculously tighten itself. There was no use. I`m guessing that the BIOS for some reason is completely ignoring the hard drive. Why else would the hard drive even spin during power up? I say this with a certain degree of confidence, because it had happend to me twice before, both in the month of July.

There`s no point kicking a dead horse. Luckily, after I pulled out the hard drive and put into Nishiyama-sensei`s portable HD case, I found that the HD content was undamaged. Which, like the eye of the typhoon that Tottori is literally in at the moment (typhoon no.16), brought me temporary relief from disaster. I can`t even remember the last time I backed up, let alone where those backup discs are at the moment.

Somehow I managed to deliver my speech at the welcome ceremony, which was more or less the same as the one during grass-cutting. Then I gave the self-introductory powerpoint presentation for class 3B, then lunch, then 3rd year elective class during which they introduced themselves to me instead. Then now. Having no more classes in the afternoon(regular schedule is cancelled as the school prepares for sports day), I`m sitting in the staff room with no mind to recall the first day in detail. I just want a working computer dammit.

I don`t know if I should sledgehammer or commemorate the old Dell. Truth be told, I`ve beaten that computer down to its last leg. There are several visible cracks in the casing, as well as what sounds like at least 2 loose screws inside. The battery is already dead, after extended use it can be doubled as a hot plate, and everything just takes forever to load. This piece of junk has been through 3 batteries, 1 battery recall, 2 send-in repair jobs, 4+ mice, 3 cities (SF, LA, DC), and 3 countries (US, Taiwan, Japan). It helped me with multiple resumes, too many coverletters, more papers than I could count, one proud honor`s thesis, every single short story I`ve ever written, as well as the creation of this blog. In its early days, it gave me all-night X-Com, Might`n`Magic, Diablo sessions and more; on its last leg, it gave me all the opportunities in the world to lose money at poker. And all throughout its career (except in DC where I had no broadband), it gave me the greatest gift a computer can give to a man--porn--without judgement or prejudice, even on the really nasty stuff. In some desperately perverse way, it`s like being dumped by your most accomodating booty-call. Of course I must thank the Dell Inspirion 5000 for illegal MP3s, ESPN.com, CNN.com, and other equally stimulating wonders of the net as well. I dare to venture that the bond between my Dell and I was beyond those typically between man and machine. My Dell and I, we were something else.

I think I will sledgehammer it after all. It deserves to leave this world with full respect and highest honor. If it could commit seppuku, it would have wanted me to be the one to cut off its head. But its memory will not be forgotten, unless the DIMMs are too slow or outdated for my next laptop.

Farewell, my dearest heap of silicon and plastic.